Archive for January, 2008

yes but can she cook..?

January 30, 2008

Whether you want to call it robot fetishism, technosexuality, or just perversion, having sex with a robot or a sexual technology device is a fantasy for some. It’s also a solution for those that have trouble convincing a real live human to have sex with them. Whatever the reason, there are a number of robots and robotic products out there that can satisfy sexual desires, and we’ve profiled a number of them here.

Repliee Q1Expo: This “female” android has very human looks and senses. She has high-sensitivity tactile sensors that react to differing pressures, and can follow human movement. Her creators note that some people forget that she is an android while interacting with her. While there is no official report on the existence or absence of sexual organs in the Repliee Q1Expo, you can program the android to simulate movements.
Andy: Andy is very human, with functions like breathing, kissing, and yes, even sex. She can move into any position and will take part in movements. Her body is very realistic, as she has body heat and a heartbeat that pulses faster during sex. You can even install a video system in her eyes and play back encounters from her perspective. The manufacturer custom-makes each Andy model, and offers a variety of upgrades and adaptations.
Moaning Lisa: Moaning Lisa is a sex doll that doubles as an interactive game. To play the game, you have to touch one or more of her sensors to arouse her, but they’re on an unknown pattern of sensitivity, so it’s not always obvious which ones are the best. Ultimately, you win the game when you give her an orgasm.
Japanese Blowjob Machine: This machine certainly doesn’t look humanoid, but it’s designed to get the “job” done. The Japanese Blowjob Machine houses a motor and orifice with different textured interiors.
DER2 Fembot: Kokoro, a division of Sanrio, has created the Actroid DER2 fembot, which delivers expressions in a lifelike manner. She’s controlled by pneumatic pressure in her limbs, torso, and face, and her movements can be choreographed. The fembot is not for sale, but can be rented for 5 days.
CybOrgasMatrix: This sex doll is anatomically correct and modeled after model Pandora Peaks. She’s supported by an articulated skeleton and covered by a realistic elastomeric gel. This doll’s senses are advanced, so she moves, looks, feels, and even smells real. The CybOrgasMatrix’s robotics offer pelvic thrusting.
Simroid: Simroid is designed for dentist training, but honestly looks more like she was made for oral sex. She has a realistic appearance and human-like behavior, even featuring a gag reflex when objects are inserted too far in her mouth.
DIY Sex Robot: Check out this guide to building a robot for sex, and you’ll be able to customize a sexbot of your very own. Highlights include detailed instructions for senses and programming.
Robosapien: Although not designed for sex, a few creative people have modified the Robosapien to have sex using a dildo.
Rubbot: The Rubbot is a male sex machine. Essentially, it offers hands-free masturbation using “inch worm” technology.
Roboho: The Roboho is not a robot you can have sex with in real life, but that shouldn’t deter you from becoming her Cyber Pimp. In this game, you’ll configure a sexbot, guide her to high paying clients, and expand your harem of robotic prostitutes.
Alpha the Mechanical Man: In the 1930s, San Diego created a number of exhibits, one of which was Alpha the Robot. According to stories, this “robot” kidnapped a nudist and the two spent days in an amorous embrace.
Fuckzilla: Showcased at Arse Electronika, Fuckzilla is a “fucking machine” that has attachments including a multi-tongued “Lick a Chick.”
How to: Make Your Own Bionic Babe: Fleshbot offers a loose guide to creating your own sex robot, offering blueprints and other points of inspiration.
Robospanker: The Robospanker is just what it sounds like-a robotic spanking machine. It uses a small motor, trigger device, and spring-loaded paddle to deliver spanks from light to painful.
Robosex: The same people who made the Robospanker have made a sex machine for men. It looks like a footstool, but is made with a plastic cylinder that offers vacuum suction and pumping action.
Dita Von Teese: Burlesque performer Dita Von Teese is a real babe, but she’s done a photoshoot dressed as a robotic pinup. So if you’d like to satisfy a robot fetish, she’s about as realistic as you can get.
Vanessa Fembot: Vanessa, the Fembot from Austin Powers, was once up for auction on eBay. She may be sexy, but be forewarned-her chest is packing heat.
Dion: Dion has a very realistic looking body, but the focus is on her singing and lip motion. She’s lauded as a robot that can sing and look sexy at the same time.
Valerie, the Domestic Android: Valerie has a speech synthesizer and is equipped with proprietary AI software. She can perform visual imitation and learns through rote memory.
Sybian: This autoerotic machine for women is made of a saddle seat and a motor, and can be used with a variety of phallic objects. It’s made of quality construction and offers variable speed and vibration.
Robotech Thruster: This sex machine comes equipped with a high-speed piston and stabilizer. It’s essentially a sleeve with external thrusting controls, and you can mount it on a tabletop or similar surface.
Sexbot V2.0: Like Dita Von Teese, this robot is a real live human, but presents an option for satisfying a fantasy. Sometime in the summer of 2005, this “Sexbot V2.0″ offered free robot sex on the side of the road. There’s no word on what happened to the 1.0 version.
Zoltan’s Robot Girlfriend: This guy has cooked up his own robot girlfriend using a combination of a chatbot, teledonic device, and a sex doll. He can talk and type with her in English, and perform sexual acts simultaneously with her life-sized body. On his site, you can get instructions for building a robot girlfriend or boyfriend of your own.
Deep Throat: This “robot vagina” is billed as a device that will do “everything you wished your girlfriend would do,” offering a deep sucking sensation, slurping sounds, and vibrations that rival a real deep throat experience.
thanks renee 😉

I LIKE SOFT – or Bonus: College Girl Fantasies

January 26, 2008

So let’s say I stop looking for porn that’s nice to women, or at least remotely not mean to them. And like, my ears are still sore from the porn-parties I’ve brought them to, so I thought I’d try magazines. I’m not planning on joining WAP anytime soon (Women Against Pornography- radical feminist activist group started in the 70s). If you don’t want to fight, join.

I went to ‘La Maison de La Presse Internationale’ where they probably sell every magazine you can think of. Under ‘Intérêts féminins’ I found none of my interests. I mean, fashion, gossips, bloating relief, gardening?! No need to add that I had to go under ‘Intérêts masculins’. I should specify that under that section there was only porn. I chose February’s Playboy+ Bonus! Free magazine- College Girl Fantasies.

Let me start with bahahahahahaha. Sorry. The bonus magazine starts with a short paragraph: ‘‘You’re invited to take an uncensored look blabla as the sexiest coeds in college reveal their most erotic, most intimate fantasies blabla you’ll uncover the secret desires that turn on these sexy girls’’. Fine, show me. Fantasies include: posing naked next to sports trophies, riding a bike without hands (hands are busy holding breasts), posing while reading a book and unbuttoning her already unbuttoned shirt (hands are free since the book is on a shelf), posing with a schoolbag, posing with a stethoscope, naked bowling (rear view, of course), splashing water on herself, tying shoes while naked (again, rear view).
– Mmm sorry is this Bonus! Dirty Old (Male) Gym Teacher Fantasies?
– No, College Girl, this is Bonus! Free magazine- College Girl Fantasies.
– Oh sorry, my bad, it’s just that there would be a little less women in this bonus feature if they were my fantasies.
– Oh, really?
College girl giggles. This bonus mag is like an old tee-shirt you used to love, but then forgot about. Then The Smell that comes from it makes it impossible to ignore. Giggles again. Whereas my fantasies… well they’re private.

However, A+ for real bodies. Real breasts (I think…) and curves- especially thighs. And nothing de mauvais goût. But I cheated, I started with dessert. Now on to the main course: the actual Playboy Mag- Red-Hot and Spicy: the Women of Hooters. Ok I don’t know if I should have- but I actually read the magazine. Fun fact: according to a survey by Womenwallstreet.com, 11% of women desire a handwritten love letter on Valentine’s Day. Next page, an add: Valentine’s Gift Guide. She’ll Love It! Get Some Action. Give Teddy Bear, Get Love! Thanks, I’ll write my valentine’s card alone, and you can sign it.

Actual content: Matt McConaughey interview- why doesn’t he get naked? Oh right I found the mag under ‘Intérêts Masculins’. Although the guy is steamy enough to convert lesbians and heterosexual males (ps, I know it doesn’t work that way, please don’t bite). Miss February has nothing special- average blonde Playmate I guess. Mmmm sooo cute interview: ‘‘My mom, dad and sister are the most important people to me’’ How I’ll spend my playmate money? ‘‘College tuition’’ my basic outlook on life ‘‘Anything is possible with a positive view on your dreams’’. Julie agrees, and thinks Dirty Gym Teacher does too.

In overall, I love the art- it’s funny and has catchy phrases like: ‘‘It makes sense, doesn’t it? I like the hard ones and you like the creamy centers’’ (A couple in bed sharing valentine chocolates, artwork by Kiraz). The Hooter girls… errr well, deserve to be Hooter girls. I also enjoyed the comic strips. Some interviews are really smart. Although I think this mag qualifies as soft right? Well I LIKE SOFT, and I like to read. Still didn’t get off though… next time I’ll try a mag oriented towards gay males. and that way, Creepy Guy From Bus won’t read over my shoulder.

Sexiest message ever heard from a computer

January 25, 2008

Scientology has been attacked. Not just attacked. The hacker cohort known only as Anonymous has published a Youtube video declaring war. Finally some good old fashioned kick the bad guys where it hurts… Anyway, heres the link… its the sexiest message I have ever heard coming from a computer.

On Saturdays- Thou Shalt Rest

January 25, 2008

my perfect saturday-
9.oo: wake up. If in good mood, sing in shower and dance like no one’s watching
9.3o: healthy light breakfast, including proteins; whatever muscles I have are in for a party today. Coffee + newspapers + smart mag
11.oo: morning jog with iPod newly filled with songs from last night’s dance-til-I-dropped. Mmmm le(s) beau(x) mec(s) de hier soir = hotter than Dominican Republic in august. Run faster.
11.45: quick shower, meet-up with gf for brunch, smart/not too smart talk + dumb mags
2.oo: back on fave couch for catnap
3.oo: meet up work-out buddy at gym. Whoa my eyes are happy too-
5.00: While I’m hungry (stomach that is), grocery shopping for what my body does best: show appetite (not just stomach wise- read on). Buy wine, red and white, since I’m cooking many courses and that I won’t plan them according to wine color.
6.oo: prepare delicious dinner while humming because obviously in good mood. Set aside. Call family to say Hi.
7.oo: dress up pretty for the sake of feeling pretty. go to movies/opera/play preferably alone/ try out Anal Sex Porn if previously challenged by some Blog-reader.
9.3o: invite Sexual partner over for previously prepared dinner since I have a heart
11.oo kick him out coz I need my space. Write emo stuff in diary about previous movie/opera/play/porn and how it changed my perception of life/or not while listening to jazz with hot chocolate+baileys in bathtub. Yup still alone. And no, no rose petals in the water. And no, no second girl. I’m writing, remember?- busy hands.
12.oo: continue writing/dozing off on couch with chocolate and Port + daily waste of time on the Internet
12.3o: call Sexual partner now that he is done digesting and has brushed his teeth/taken a shower/has napped. Politely offer a drink. Then do what we do best.
2.3o leave me alone dude, yes the movie/opera/play was life-changing, no I don’t wanna talk about it/ show you the new moves I learned from the porn. no I don’t wanna cuddle for another half-second, I wanna sleep. And if you HAVE to stay over, please brush your teeth and be gone before I wake up. Oh and no I don’t mind your presence. And no don’t take that as a heads-up to continue gazing at me like I’m the holder of the last female genitals on earth. Geeeez. Endorphins.
9.oo: wake up to find out that nice-boi got home. If last night’s business was whoa (which it obviously was, or else I wouldn’t have called in the first place) Call him back now that he has showered/brushed is teeth/changed his underwear. Offer breakfast since I have a heart.
10.3o: morning jog, alone.

Although yup, my day wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t know I have the option of calling for some good time with Sexual partner- who might get an upgrade and get called by his first name. I don’t have commitment issues, I just don’t do relationships. To me, relationships are a concept as alien and disconcerting as a colonoscopy. and It’s not coz I only have one pair of feet that I’ll only own one pair of shoes- know what I’m sayin?
To quote Woody Allen: ”Love is the answer– but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” and I certainly love to think-

There is no such thing as a FFF – Fun Friend Forever

January 23, 2008
I call them Fun Friends. Modest advice for making it last when it’s worth it or to know when to break it off.

#1: Word it out. You’re in it for the sex right? So why not ask for exactly what you want. I would love to advise you to be patient until he gets to know your every desire, but really, why wait? Spare the rituals of romance.

#2: Remember, videotapes are forever. So enjoy the present, or cherish the memories, but no tapes.
#3: ‘This has never happened to me before’ Unfortunate disabilities? Fine, unfamiliarities and the predictable effects of one-too-many drinks. He messes up the second chance? Remember, you’re not doing charity. Who cares if he praises your world-rocking orgasm-precipitating abilities, or pretends you’re too tight (let’s not get into the one-size fits all talk) nothing changes the fact that you did not get the time to acknowledge the act had begun. Jamais deux sans trois, so, Next! Although great sex or not, polite ‘‘Goodnight’’ chat is always in order.
#4 :Je ne reprendrai pas mon suçon si quelqu’un l’a liché. Translation : who would want to share her lollipop? I’d rather the guy would not sleep around, or at least, not tell me about it. Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather have only one FF if he proves worth it.

#5: Shop after you drop. You won’t find yourself actively looking for replacement unless you’re not satisfied. And if so, then drop, now. Broken toy, next! There is no worse thing than bad sex. I’d rather have no sex. And that’s saying a lot.

#6 The F-word. Feelings. It is mean to pretend not to notice his sheepish-admiring gaze with the pretext that ‘the L-word has not been worded out’. Mmm geez… maybe because you guys never got to talking anyways. Best weapon against undesired lovey-dovey pillow talk: honesty from day 1. And you have the right to change your mind, as long as you’re honest with yourself first.
a) Are you willing to make the big step towards a relationship? Beware of mistaking sexual chemistry/infatuation with love. I mean, great sex sends endorphins just as much as love does, and why not have both, but is he/she actually worth it?
b) Feelings in the way? Time to have a look around.

There is no such thing as a Fun Friend Forever. Either upgrade or scratch off. Honestly, I think feelings always end up knocking at the bedroom door/car door/bathroom door…

Any experience you want to share for the sake of statistical evidence?

Autodidactive Intro to porn- Or the quest for enjoyable porn

January 22, 2008
Sex has nothing to do with moderation –

Thinking there was no such thing as too much sex, I rented three movies. Tant qu’à le faire, on va le faire pour vrai! Turns out, there is such a thing as too much sex – bad sex. I chose the first movie on the basis that it was produced by a woman (there’s this myth that woman-produced porn is more enjoyable for women). Title: Sophia (read: nympho who calls herself a feminist). Isn’t Sophia such a pornish name anyway? I bet I couldn’t find even one that’s titled Julie. Or even a character called Julie. Moving on: memorable pseudo-feministic quote I managed to write down before the F*-word-abusing starts: ‘‘I’m a woman in a man’s world, but I make the rules; men, women, sex, it’s all mine for the taking and I take it.’’ And the rest of the dialog is drowned with: ‘‘ooooh F*’s, don’t F*ing stop’s and ‘give me that F* cock’s’’ you get the point, and moaning. I thought I knew moaning, but now I know moaning. I thought presumably-dominant-Sophia was orgasming every second of the (long) way until she actually had an orgasm. Other wanabe-feministic sexual practices included: being splashed in the face with sperm and enjoying it like an insulin-deprived fat kid would feast on cake. Also included: savage-looking horse-riding extraordinarily-well-endowed and proportionally-sperm-producing unclean-looking latino, submissive secretary, submissive pool-girl, oh and a hold-your-breath-beginning-of-threesome which actually turns into some more sperm-splash. So much for woman-produced porn. Tip #1: keep your volume remote-control close – keep your fast-forwarding remote-control closer. F*!

Second movie’s title: Sexy Magical Girl. An anime/manga. A lot easier on the ears. Sailormoon meets Godzilla. In a rather… juicy way. The movie was a lot of fun, my friend and I laughed the whole time, so I guess it defeats the purpose of getting turned on. I recommend this type of porn to everyone, guaranteed good time. Sneak peaks: juice, breakfast sausages and teddy bears. Not too clichéd though.

Third movie: Fantasmes de femmes. Bad title. Tip #2: do not choose the movie according to the title. You think you know what you’re getting yourself into, but you’re not. Unless it’s as self-explanatory as ‘Pregnant Animals gone wild’ and then again, wild is a pretty vague word. I recommend this movie if what gets you off is fruits and pretty dresses, or clichés like ‘La première fois’. I would retitle it to ‘Fantasmes de Prudes’. Except for a scene involving a threesome. Handsome European-looking men, although I recognized the principal male actor as the latino from the very American Sophia. Versatile actor but same urge to fast-forward.

I refuse to settle down with Anime porn, which means the trial-an-error quest to enjoyable not-too-pornish porn only begins. Any suggestions?

Shower Sex

January 17, 2008

Often I see shower sex in film and on t.v. I was wondering if this works for anyone. Stories that I have found from people seem to point towards fear of slipping and difficulty with respect to mechanics. Anyone experienced in this field? Care to share your mistakes or even a success?

Lets get intimate v.03

January 17, 2008


Whats your fantasy?

fan·ta·sy [fan-tuh-see, -zee] –noun

1. imagination, esp. when extravagant and unrestrained.
2. the forming of mental images, esp. wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.

(www.dictionary.com)

Handcuffs? Dominatrix? School girl?
The list goes on! Tell me your fantasies!

redlight channel anchor auditions, take 1…

January 15, 2008

January 9, 2008


Lets get intimate V.2

What are your thoughts on breast implants? Out of fashion?

From the Msnbc Website here is a time line of breast augmentation.

(original source)

January 7, 2008
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Film Sex Part I: Has the Liberal "Left" left?

January 7, 2008

Golden Globe nominee “Juno” starring Ellen Page has something in common with box office hit “Knocked Up” starring Seth Rogen and it’s not the fact that Rogen played with Page’s co-star Michael Cera in this year’s “Superbad.” Both films feature unwanted pregnancies in which abortion is closely looked at and then denied. Each produces extremely progressive views of a plethora of social problems and yet when it comes to abortion: neither seems to think it is “right.” At first I thought the industry was pandering to the masses and displaying a more acceptable content, but now I have my doubts. What was once a struggle for a woman’s right over her body is now a victory in the eyes of many. The left has resigned itself to the religious right, but that doesn’t matter because the means to achieve abortion are now in place and therein lies the win. I think the left is currently sitting back and saying, “Shit! Maybe we can explore the benefits of a woman’s choice to keep her child.” So now the left has gone so far around the spectrum it feigns politics of center. Or am I just seeing what I want to see and we are simply facing a more tactful moral right that wants us to give in to pro-life values?

Sex Vocab!

January 4, 2008

Some of you might have heard these terms before, some from my own mouth. If you haven’t, spread them like STI’s.

Peen – Penis
Vag –
Vagina
Jilling it –
The feminine of jacking off. Also, looking at your right hand, it spells the word, JIll.
Grower or show-er – If a man’s peen is very small but then grows a lot during excitation, he’s a grower, otherwise he’s a show-er. Basically, you get what you see.
Cleaning someone’s room – Having sex with someone
Sweater – A very hairy torso. This one was often used when I worked in a resort in Cancun to describe certain guests. Hey Sweater!
Bic-it – To shave body parts using a razor.
Vagina boogers – Do I really have to explain this one? An ex lover used it while talking about a girl he knew: “I couldn’t go down on her she had vagina boogers!”.
Nintendo week – When a girl is on her period, she’s on Nintendo week. First coined by NB punk band, Romeo Retarded. Basically, her partner plays Nintendo instead of making love to her.
Rando – A random person, a stranger.
Beej – Blowjob
Heej – Handjob
To joff or joffing – Jacking off. This one I first heard from my pal in Toronto.
Dills – Testicules, also from my pal.
S my d – For men that are somewhat shy.
Pocket bf – A cute boy under 5’7. For a girl to be a pocket gf, she should be less than 5’3.

These next ones are from my friend Mike from the band Risky Business, he’s always had a rather colourful way of describing sex:

Shwing shwong Penis
Bajingo – Vagina
Railed Fucked
Tagged – Fucked
Stick your wiener in her vageener – Self explanatory

Other contributers added:

Stink ditch ie; Tongue plowing the stink ditch.
Baby chowder – ie; The end product of romping in bed
Cumishment – Punishment involving cum?

Do you have any interesting expressions you wish to share? Let us know, comment below!


January 3, 2008

lets get intimate

question of the week

Have you ever broken a penis or have had your penis broken?

Tell me your broken penis stories! What happened? How did it happen?

xo

-B.