On Saturdays- Thou Shalt Rest

by

my perfect saturday-
9.oo: wake up. If in good mood, sing in shower and dance like no one’s watching
9.3o: healthy light breakfast, including proteins; whatever muscles I have are in for a party today. Coffee + newspapers + smart mag
11.oo: morning jog with iPod newly filled with songs from last night’s dance-til-I-dropped. Mmmm le(s) beau(x) mec(s) de hier soir = hotter than Dominican Republic in august. Run faster.
11.45: quick shower, meet-up with gf for brunch, smart/not too smart talk + dumb mags
2.oo: back on fave couch for catnap
3.oo: meet up work-out buddy at gym. Whoa my eyes are happy too-
5.00: While I’m hungry (stomach that is), grocery shopping for what my body does best: show appetite (not just stomach wise- read on). Buy wine, red and white, since I’m cooking many courses and that I won’t plan them according to wine color.
6.oo: prepare delicious dinner while humming because obviously in good mood. Set aside. Call family to say Hi.
7.oo: dress up pretty for the sake of feeling pretty. go to movies/opera/play preferably alone/ try out Anal Sex Porn if previously challenged by some Blog-reader.
9.3o: invite Sexual partner over for previously prepared dinner since I have a heart
11.oo kick him out coz I need my space. Write emo stuff in diary about previous movie/opera/play/porn and how it changed my perception of life/or not while listening to jazz with hot chocolate+baileys in bathtub. Yup still alone. And no, no rose petals in the water. And no, no second girl. I’m writing, remember?- busy hands.
12.oo: continue writing/dozing off on couch with chocolate and Port + daily waste of time on the Internet
12.3o: call Sexual partner now that he is done digesting and has brushed his teeth/taken a shower/has napped. Politely offer a drink. Then do what we do best.
2.3o leave me alone dude, yes the movie/opera/play was life-changing, no I don’t wanna talk about it/ show you the new moves I learned from the porn. no I don’t wanna cuddle for another half-second, I wanna sleep. And if you HAVE to stay over, please brush your teeth and be gone before I wake up. Oh and no I don’t mind your presence. And no don’t take that as a heads-up to continue gazing at me like I’m the holder of the last female genitals on earth. Geeeez. Endorphins.
9.oo: wake up to find out that nice-boi got home. If last night’s business was whoa (which it obviously was, or else I wouldn’t have called in the first place) Call him back now that he has showered/brushed is teeth/changed his underwear. Offer breakfast since I have a heart.
10.3o: morning jog, alone.

Although yup, my day wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t know I have the option of calling for some good time with Sexual partner- who might get an upgrade and get called by his first name. I don’t have commitment issues, I just don’t do relationships. To me, relationships are a concept as alien and disconcerting as a colonoscopy. and It’s not coz I only have one pair of feet that I’ll only own one pair of shoes- know what I’m sayin?
To quote Woody Allen: ”Love is the answer– but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” and I certainly love to think-

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9 Responses to “On Saturdays- Thou Shalt Rest”

  1. jamie Says:

    Holy Shit. And I thought I planned ahead.

  2. kels Says:

    “..relationships are a concept as alien and disconcerting as a colonoscopy.” What a curious statement!, I thought, then I read your profile. Sigh..

  3. Julie Says:

    bah, sometimes the sex part can last longer as long as the guy gets his pee break at 1.45am.

  4. JBRO Says:

    I don’t quite know why I thought this funny or even remotely related to your post but here it is.. HEADLINE: MAN SLEEPS THROUGH GUNSHOT TO HIS HEAD “Michael Lusher apparently is a sound sleeper. A small-caliber bullet struck the 37-year-old Altizer man in the head as he slept Sunday morning, but he didn’t realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head”

  5. ben Says:

    Typical male bashing, equating relationship to shoes. Never heard that one before, but given women who ‘wear out’ multiple pairs and change shoes at a whim, some obvious evolutionary link here with females of certain species that roam to ‘nurture’ a more secure ‘nesting environment’ from multiple males.

  6. terese Says:

    Give me 50 pairs of shoes!!!

  7. berne Says:

    Chicks wear out shoes, Guys play with.. balls.

  8. BERNE Says:

    OOPS I MEANT OF COURSE FOOTBALLS, BASEBALLS, BASKETBALLS..LOL

  9. kels Says:

    ..or balls:)

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