Archive for October, 2008

How Obama and Palin redefined political sex appeal.

October 31, 2008

by Tina Brown

There was a photograph in The Times Sunday that showed a rumpled David Axelrod slouched wearily in a chair wearing an old green sweater—with Barack Obama perched in the background, checking the display of his PDA. The room reeked of the pizza box weariness of a campaign in its last days—except for the candidate. For the millionth time the picture served to show how mesmerizingly crisp Obama always looks.

I can’t say if those hand-pressed looking shirts are made of the finest Egyptian cotton or not—maybe they’re from Costco—but the point is they suggest it. The simplicity of Obama’s lean, monochrome suits and solid blue ties makes every other pol appear porky and plebeian, old school glad-handers in oversize watches. It’s not just the clothes, of course. It’s the wearer—his carriage, the loping grace of his walk to the stage.

It’s also that the way he’s put together works simultaneously south of the Mason-Dixon line and south of 14th Street. When Obama works a rope line to most people he just looks neatly dressed. But to others he looks as stylishly minimalist as one of those Meatpacking District boutiques where a few shirts are piled artfully on otherwise empty shelves. It’s a little like the Republicans’ dog-whistle rhetoric, in which routine-sounding words like “worldview” and “wonder-working” convey a special, coded meaning to Christian conservatives. Obama’s look conveys the message of a new world order to the young.

It must be hell for John McCain and Bill Clinton, both alpha males who were always the sexiest guys in the room and have now been outpaced by this new kind of charisma. McCain was a heartthrob when he came back from Vietnam, with his hell-raiser smile and hair turned fetchingly white. One sentence of his backstory and the job was done: he had you at “my plane got shot down.” On the Straight Talk Express he was still an irresistible charmer. And Bill? Well, I’ve been in rooms when every woman he passed in the line was left with a deep burning blush of surprised conquest.

Hence the rage on both Clinton and McCain’s parts. McCain hates being deprived of his flyboy glamour as much as he hates being bested by a cool political novice who hasn’t paid his dues. He wasn’t looking old until Obama came on the scene. He was craggy, he was devil-may-care. He could still get the girls. As for Bill Clinton, Joe Klein’s biography was rightly titled The Natural. Bill always knew there was one phrase set aside for him in political retrospectives. The words “preternaturally gifted” belonged only to him. Until now. And that doesn’t even take in the galling fact that the younger man stole his wife’s exceptionalism. Obama’s glamour didn’t just eclipse Bill it made the first serious woman running for president look passé too.

What’s interesting is the androgynous quality of the Obama appeal. He’s almost like an avatar sent out dressed as himself to turn red states into blue. There are no “jumpers” at his rallies like the girls who jumped up and down at Kennedy rallies in the sixties. It’s significant that the Obama girl who lipsynched about “having a crush on Obama” in the YouTube clip during the primaries was immediately assumed to be a viral Internet plant. Obama is too contained to have the kind of sex appeal we are used to in public men whose drive to seduce sometimes becomes literal when it comes to the opposite sex.

Sarah Palin is now almost as large a celebrity as Obama but her appeal is as tactile as Obama’s is abstract, as Dionysian as his is Apollonian. She is genuinely gorgeous, with that thick, cascading soap opera hair, generous mouth, and beauty pageant legs. (If the Republicans really wanted Joe the Plumber’s vote, they should have blown some of that 150 grand at Victoria’s Secret.) The notion that after the campaign they’ll make her give the new wardrobe back, by the way, is palpably ridiculous. Don’t we want Sarah Palin to look hot?

Besides, no woman who has worn a $2,500 dollar silk Valentino jacket is ever going to return to wearing bargains from Out of the Closet, or desert the glossy standards of the new hairdresser who travels on the campaign plane for the Beehive in Wasilla. Palin may fish out a few old outfits for spin control to show she’s still real on the trail but she is more likely to trade in Todd than give up her new A-list look for long. She fought too hard for it. Her raw, striving quality is one of the qualities that makes her so compelling to watch. Are we now surprised that she’s campaigning for her future rather than the ticket?

She’s tasted the big time now. Go, Sarah! Obama versus Palin in 2012 sounds like a pretty incendiary reality show. The two stars from the same generation have redefined charisma and sex appeal for the multimedia age. Meanwhile, when the governor of Alaska returns to Anchorage after the election she is going to be about as content with her old life as Madame Bovary in Yonville. That’s the movie I really want to see.


“Several weeks of non-painful scrotal swelling in about a third of the subjects –was not enough to stop the study.”

October 29, 2008

Male Contraceptive?

Tyler Dunlap, a 27-year-old newlywed in San Francisco, is just one of the many American men eagerly awaiting the results of a large clinical trial in India.

The trial is studying a new male contraceptive, RISUG (Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance): a reversible, nonhormonal contraceptive that provides 10 or more years of protection after a 10-15 minute procedure. Researchers received approval this week to begin enrolling additional study volunteers, after a delay of nearly four years.

“RISUG would be exciting because it would mean that, finally, I could take control of my own future, instead of leaving it to someone else,” says Dunlap. “Being in a committed long-term relationship means that I don’t want to rely on condoms for birth control. I’m not ready for a vasectomy, though. This new procedure could be the answer that gives men the decisive control we lack with current contraceptives.”

In the RISUG study, doctors inject a gel into the tube that sperm travel through after they are produced (known as the vas deferens). The gel then disables the sperm as they swim by. In study animals, male fertility returns if the RISUG is flushed out with another injection that dissolves the gel.

Elaine Lissner, director of the nonprofit Male Contraception Information Project in San Francisco, says she is not surprised that American men are watching the RISUG trial with keen interest. She emphasizes that the method has the potential to be the first truly affordable, reversible, long-term male contraceptive.

In 2002, when enrollment in the Indian study was halted, more than 140 men were already using RISUG. Concern about side effects and insufficiency of safety data caused a temporary suspension of the project. However, expert panels subsequently concluded that the major side effect — several weeks of non-painful scrotal swelling in about a third of the subjects –was not enough to stop the study.

Additional Safety Tests

Since 2002, researchers have conducted several additional laboratory safety tests on RISUG.

“When we first began using RISUG in volunteers more than 15 years ago, we didn’t have access to the more sophisticated toxicity tests available today,” says Dr. H. C. Das, one of the lead investigators. “Last year we sent RISUG to an FDA-registered laboratory in the United States for more tests, and the results came back clean. We’ve also done more studies at the Industrial Toxicology Research Centre in Lucknow, India with the latest equipment. We’re glad to be able to provide men this additional reassurance.”

Dr. R. S. Sharma, deputy director general of the Indian Council of Medical Research (ICMR), concurs that the safety results were “very satisfactory.” The ICMR is working to arrange study sites throughout India, beginning with Jaipur, Ludhiana, Udhampur, and India’s capital New Delhi. Three data monitoring committees will watch for any safety concerns.

Next Steps

But Lissner cautions that progress will be slow without sufficient political will. “A reversibility study in men is key,” she stresses. “And we’re hoping that the Indian government is committed enough to this research to get the next batch of RISUG made to the FDA’s latest Good Manufacturing Practice standards. If it is, the results will carry more weight internationally. Then men in other countries — such as the US — can hope for faster government approval.”

Currently, RISUG’s developers are arranging a collaboration with US researchers. Lissner says that to gain FDA approval, US researchers will have to begin with animal tests, so studies in North American men would not start for several years. Still, she notes that “We shouldn’t be discouraged. We already know that RISUG works, which is half the battle in drug development. Men in studies in India have been using it for more than a decade. Now we just have to finish our homework.”

RISUG’s chief developer, Prof. Sujoy Guha of the Indian Institute of Technology, says myths about men not being interested in contraception are just that: myths. “I get letters from men all over the world who beg to come to India and participate in this study at their own expense.”


Its never to early for Christmas/hanukka, …

October 28, 2008

Extra Nipples
Extra Nipples (please note these are on sale)

Oral Pleasure Chocolate

Of Biting: teachings of the Kamasutra

October 28, 2008

In my opinion, this is what separates men from boys.

Here’s some info from a translation of The Kamasutra of Vatsyayana that I brought back from India. Now this all sounds pretty technical, but imagine it as you read, as I do as I write. It’s genuine passion, taught at it’s best. There’s a reason why the teachings have been kept proudly for millenia.

The quality of good teeth are as follows: they should be equal, posessed of a pleasing brightness, capable of being coloured, of proper proportions, unbroken, and with sharp ends.

different kinds of biting:
– the hidden bite; is shown only by the excessive redness of the skin that is bitten
– the swollen bite; the skin is pressed down on both sides
– the point; a small portion of the skin is bitten with two teeth only
– the line of points; such small portions of the skin are bitten with all the teeth
– the ‘oral and jewel: ‘done by bringing together teeth (jewel) and lips (coral)
– the line of jewels; with all the teeth
– broken cloud ; unequal risings in a circle, and which comes from the space between the teeth. on the breasts
– biting of the boar; many broad rows of marks near to one another, and with red intervals. on the breasts and shoulders.

Hidden bite, swollen point and the point are made on the lower lip. the swollen bite and the coral and the jewel bite are done on the cheek. line of points and line of jewels are to be impressed on the throat, the armpit and the joints of the thighs. the line of point alone is to be impressed on the forehead and the thighs.

Biting that has goal to increase passion should be done first, and that which is only for amusement or variety should be done afterwards.

Markings from biting or from nails illustrate an ornament of the forehead, an ear ornament, a bunch of flowers, a betel leaf or a tamala leaf, which are worn by the woman that is beloved, and are signs of the desire of enjoyment.

Now here’s my favorite verse, translated directly: ‘When a man bites a woman forcibly, she should angrily do the same to him with double force. Thus, a point should be returned with a line of points and a line of points should be returned with a broken cloud, and if she be excessively chafed, she should at once begin a love quarrel with him. at such a time she should take hold of her lover by the hair, and bend his head down, and kiss his lower lip, and then, being intoxicated with love, she should shut her eyes and bite him in various places. Even by day, and in place of public resort, when her lover shows her any mark that she may have inflicted on his body, she should smile at the sight of it, and turning her face as if she were going to chide him, she should show him with angry look the marks on her own body. Thus, if men and women act according to each other’s liking, their love for each other will not be lessened even in one hundred years.’

see, it’s more like a lifestyle

Sex addiction: not just for men

October 27, 2008

Anita Chaudhuri

Any time I met a guy who didn’t respond to me sexually, it would make me determined to have him,” confesses Valerie, 35, a human-resources manager in the City. “It became a challenge, a game, regardless of whether he was married or with someone. The lowest point came when I tried to seduce my best friend’s fiancé. I couldn’t bear the fact that, when they were together, he wouldn’t so much as look at me. It was an itch I had to scratch.”

“Sex addict” is the last phrase that would come to mind if you met the demure and sober-suited Valerie. Yet she is in 12-step recovery for that very issue. “Everyone used to tell me how lucky I was, as I could get any man I wanted. I’m quite a competitive person and it was important for me to know that, in my circle of girlfriends, I was viewed as the hottest.”

That sex and, by extension, love are highly addictive is no longer up for debate. Comparative brain scans of the love-struck and cocaine-addicted show almost identical areas of brain activity. And, for the first time, people are starting to talk about sex addiction. Russell Brand has owned up to having treatment and David Duchovny recently outed himself as a sufferer. Next month sees the release of a Hollywood film, Choke, devoted to the subject.

Experts say the number of sex addicts is rising — and, contrary to popular opinion, they are not all men. “In America, 30% of people coming in for treatment for sex addiction are female,” says Don Serratt, director of Life Works, which offers sex-addiction treatment in the UK. In this country, few women present themselves as sex addicts, but that doesn’t mean the problem is less prevalent. “They’ll come for help with alcoholism, drug addiction or depression and, in the course of treatment, the sex addiction, the root cause of the other addictions, will be uncovered,” Serratt says.

Valerie was unaware she had an addiction, even when her friend’s fiancé rejected her advances and threw a drink over her, telling her some unpleasant home truths for good measure. It was only as she got older and her friends started to settle down that she began to question her behaviour.

“I was embarrassed to find myself aged 35, with the longest relationship on my romantic CV lasting only three months,” she says. She went to counselling because she wanted to stop going for the wrong men. “That’s when I realised that I’d been living in a fantasy world. What I loved most about sex wasn’t the act itself. It was lying in bed together afterwards, talking into the small hours, feeling that sense of connection. I often convinced myself I was in love with these guys, but it would soon wear off.”

Susan Cheever, a self-confessed sex addict who has just written Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction (Simon & Schuster), agrees that this blurring of the lines between the compulsions of love and sex is common among women. “If there is a difference between sex and love addiction, I don’t know what it is,” she says. “Sometimes people say they just fall in love too frequently. Are they saying they don’t want to have sex with those people? Love addict sounds nicer for sure.”

As Cheever recounts in the book, there were times when every man who crossed her path was fresh prey, from removal men to bookshop reps — taking in three husbands and her mother’s oncologist on the way. “Whenever there was a crisis,” she admits, “I found a man to take the edge off the feelings of helplessness and pain” — regardless of the upheaval she risked unleashing on her husbands and two children. “Adultery is the drink-driving of sex addiction,” she observes.

A bleaker story emerges, however. “My parents spent a great deal of time telling me that I was unattractive and would never find a husband. Perhaps proving my parents wrong was one of my motivations. If so, I didn’t realise it at the time. It’s tricky, because addiction to other people, specifically addiction to a sex partner, is the only one that is applauded and embraced by our culture, despite the fact that there is more collateral damage than with drugs or alcohol.”

It is a pattern Serratt is all too familiar with. “Female sex addicts crave intimacy, ” he says. “They’ll use sex and seduction to create that closeness with a guy — but, once they get it, they freak out and move on to the next one.”

Yet, although they crave intimacy, Serratt believes female sex addicts are subconsciously terrified by it. Because of their low self-esteem, they are scared of a man getting to know the “real” them. “Sex addicts will often say, ‘Oh, I can never meet the right man’, but that’s because as soon as a guy turns up who is everything they want, it scares them and they kill it. Once they’re in a relationship, they’ll begin to find fault and start saying ‘Oh, he’s lazy/he’s fat/he’s broke’, then dump him. Sex addicts also have poor discernment skills for choosing boyfriends. They tend to go for superficial qualities, because what they’re attracted to is a fantasy.”

Certainly for Justine, a 38-year-old mother of two, fantasy was the driving force behind a habit that nearly wrecked her life. She was married to a rich entrepreneur for 18 years, and her life appeared enviable, yet for two decades she had a string of affairs, taking crazy risks to spend time with her lovers.


No more porn for Australia?

October 26, 2008

“Senator Conroy has since indicated that there would be a two-tier system: a mandatory one that would block all “illegal material” and an optional tier that would block material deemed unsuitable for children, such as pornography. ”


(In)sensitivity of the Circumcised Penis

October 25, 2008

So what are you circumcised men really missing out on, sexually speaking? Sure, apart from bypassing a few Craigslist ads stating a preference for intact dick, I’ve never been aware of any discrimination. Heard complaints, and have complained, that intact partners were too quick to orgasm. So nothing, you’ll tell yourself… while you remember running you hands through the hair of someone giving you what had every appearance of being a splendid blowjob and yet being detached from the experience, for the simple reason that you didn’t feel it very much.


Some strongly opinionated minds consider it an anachronistic blood ritual, while others will politically correctly rephrase that there is no medical reason for doing it.


On the other side, surely you’ve heard about the high-profile studies associating male circumcision  with significantly lower HIV-infection rates in Africa, and older studies claiming a link with lower rates of specific STDs including syphilis.


But for those of us who practice safe sex anyway, let science do what it’s good at: answering precise questions, and raising some more. The study is titled “Fine-Touch Pressure Thresholds in the Adult Penis” published last April in the British Journal of Urology. Its conclusion may seem obvious to those of us with only a lay interest in the penis, but it’s controversial, nonetheless: uncut dick feels more. A lot more.


According to their unprecedented comparative sensory mapping of the penis, proffering 19 zones, missing from the circumcised male are 8 out of them. The study concludes that those areas have most of the sensory action. And in the other 11 areas, the study showed sensitivity deficit between 2 and 33%. Even if the doctors were to present this information, I’d venture that most parents taking the decision for their newborn son wouldn’t weigh this factor as much as others. It seems to me like the logical alternative- having the male choose for himself- is as reasonable as impractical/impossible an option- for all sorts of reasons.


So the thought occurs to me that you silent and ambivalent circumcised majority are detached and apathetic and ambivalent because you don’t know what you are missing.


I’m not taking sides on the morality of the question. But scientifically, and sexually speaking, it’s not like you’re cutting off plain old skin. The analogy would be more like removing your lips, since the lips are also way more sensitive than the skin around them. But let’s not try to picture that.

How to Go Green: Sex

October 23, 2008

[by Jacob Gordon]

Whether you’re single and playing the field, settled down with that special someone, or someplace in between, most of us consider good, satisfying, sexy sex an important part of this complete breakfast. It might not be the first thing we think of while working towards a sustainable and graceful life on this fragile planet, but there’s a lot we can do to make our sex lives greener. In the process of greening the ecological footprint of our love making, we might also open up some new doors to deeper pleasure, satisfaction, and romantic connection.

1. Employ green sex toys
According to the Durex Global Sex Survey, 43% of Americans have used a vibrator. Dildos, vibrators, anal beads, cock rings, and the rest of the happy sex toy family can be thrilling and fulfilling, either alone or with a partner, but many store-bought sex toys contain, among other things, chemicals called phthalates, a substance used to soften hard plastics like PVC and provide that jelly feeling. There is quite a bit of concern about the toxicity and health risks of phthalates (in 2004, the EU banned a range of phthalates from children’s toys), especially in sex toys that are used in warm, moist places. One suspicious warning sign is the disclaimer you’ll find on most sex toy packages stating that the device within is for “novelty purposes only.” TreeHugger suggests playing it safe. Look for toys made from glass, metal, silicone, hard plastics, or elastomers. Putting a condom over a suspicious dildo is also a good move. If your sex toy of choice is a power tool, buy a rechargeable one or use your own rechargeable batteries. Rechargeable vibrating toys include the Aphrodite Wand, the Acuvibe, the Lily and Iris from Lelo, and toys from Fun Factory. Check out TreeHugger TV’s How to Buy a Green Sex Toy for more.

2. Lube up
Whether you feel you need lube or not, a little extra slipperyness can add something extra to any roll in the hay. As you would with any other personal care product, go as natural as possible and try to avoid petroleum products, artificial scents, flavors, and colors. There are even organic lubes to be found. For more info on what to look out for, see How to Green Women’s Personal Care—advice also suitable for men).

3. Use condoms
For safer, baby-free sex, nothing beats a latex condom. Vegans looking for a latex option (though derived from trees, most latex has a milk enzyme added) can check out Glyde condoms. The jury is still out as to whether latex condoms are biodegradable and what effects additives and lubricants have on biodegradability. According to most sources, lambskin condoms are biodegradable but are only effective against pregnancy, not STDs. Polyurethane condoms are essentially plastic and not biodegradable. Used condoms are best sent to the landfill. Flushing condoms down the toilet is definitely no good as this clogs pipes, treatment plants, and rivers. So let’s face it, reduce, reuse, recycle just doesn’t apply when it comes to the rubbers.

4. Give (and receive) sexy gifts
Getting a stylish and useful gift is always a turn on. Organic massage oils, fair trade chocolate, or a bottle of biodynamic red wine are hot options. For Valentine’s, you can even get an all fair trade goodie bag for your lovie. Of course, romance and good sex know no price, and a poem from the heart, a massage, some hot role playing, or a home-cooked dinner for two can be the hottest gifts of all.

5. Have green, sexy fun
Sexy play can be green and efficient as well. As seen on TreeHugger TV, showering together can save water (if things get steamier, we suggest taking it to the bedroom and not leaving the shower running). In the winter time, some nice warm loving before bed can get the bedroom toasty, meaning the thermostat can be lower (see How to Green Your Heating, for more). A nice bike ride for two is a fossil-fuel-free way to get the blood flowing and can also be quite stimulating, especially for the ladies. And of course the classic candle-lit dinner is a delicious way to set the mood and save on energy bills.

6. Put some bamboo in bed
If you’ve never experience bamboo bed sheets, you’re missing out. Bamboo fabric is silky and slippery (but not so slippery you’ll slide out of bed), wicks moisture, has natural antimicrobial properties, comes from a rapidly renewable resource, and is super sexy.

7. Mention the unmentionables: eco-undies
Slinky, slippery, sexy. These are all good things when it comes to some sassy skivvies for the bedroom. Organic cotton, hemp silk, bamboo, and other renewable fibers make ultra-sexy lingerie and underwear. When browsing around, go for quality, not novelty. Buying a bedroom outfit that will be used only a couple times isn’t a great buy. Face it, unless you’re famous, nobody on Ebay is gonna buy those crotchless panties, even if you just wore them once. We suggest shelling out the extra bucks for something classy, sexy, and sustainable that can be donned when the mood is right for years to come. For something on the exotic end, check out Enamore and g=9.8. For sensible and simple, look at Buenostyle and American Apparel. For something in between, try GreenKnickers.

8. Taste sweeter juice?
There are some very strong rumors going around that vegetarians have the best tasting love juices (though some items from the vegetable kingdom you may want to avoid, like asparagus and garlic). If you aren’t already a veggie-lover and there’s a romantic occasion/hot date in your future, give the veggie or vegan diet a try. Even if it does nothing for your flavor, you may score points for being a good steward of the planet. The meat industry is immensely resource intensive and accounts for 70% of the water pollution in the US. Reducing your meat consumption is one of the greenest things you can do. Plus, many triathletes and other super-people swear by a vegan diet for prolonged endurance (always a good thing). For a very funny but totally explicit investigation of the food/body fluid connection, read Hank Hyena’s essay at

9. Turn on natural aphrodisiacs
Since days of yore, lovers have turned to natural herbs and special foods to find stimulation, endurance, and sexual health. While we can’t vouch for any of these, and all supplements should be taken with caution and/or professional advise, it is rumored that herbs like ginseng, kava kava root, damiana leaves, kelp, tribulus, ginko biloba, rhodiola rosea, and of course horny goat weed can help stoke the flames of passion—even more so if certified organic. A host of foods are also used to stimulate the sexual senses, and of course organic wine and Champaign are trusted aphrodisiacs as well.

10. Meet that special green lover
Nothing’s quite worse than meeting some really promising guy or girl and then realizing that he or she is an Escalade-driving, non-recycling, Earth messer-upper. What are you going to do? Try to reform them? Sleep with them anyway and try to ignore their unconscious ways? Forget it. Go for the green lover. Farmers markets, Critical Mass, your local Green Drinks, the Whole Foods checkout isle can be great places to meet people. A host of match-making sites (see the Further Reading section for direct links) can also be great venues for finding that special tree hugger to hug.


October 22, 2008

Artist Cees Krijnen has collaborated with with Freundenthal/Verhagen, Jason Wallis-Johnson and Oscar Süleyman to create this striking image which is both fantasy based and humorous. The work injects the penile imagery and literally sugar coats it in order for it to compliment its surroundings. This piece tackles the issues of virility and fantasy in a naive manner. by Andy G

October 20, 2008

When Markets Fall, So Do the Big Swinging Dicks

October 19, 2008

A blow-by-blow guide to the four stages of market-related sexual dysfunction.

Decades ago, during the era of takeover kings and junk bond traders—long before the tech boom, the hedge fund boom, and the private equity boom—Michael Lewis’s 1989 classic, Liar’s Poker, labeled Wall Street stars the “Big Swinging Dicks.” The common if optimistic assumption has always been that these guys perform aggressively in the bedroom, too. Remember Dennis Kozlowski’s babe-shaped birthday cake, with sparklers for breasts?

Whenever times are good, few people stop to wonder whether the converse might also be true: BSDs—or Masters of the Universe, or whatever they are calling themselves now—get less virile when the market crashes.

Most of the information on this topic is anecdotal, if consistent: bad economic times pretty much guarantee bad sex. But with every crash the debate on recession sex reemerges. Earlier this week, Bonnie Fuller sent out a well-circulated questionnaire asking her contacts about their post-crash sex lives. Gawker has laid out a theory on the 5 types of recession sex, as told through craigslist. And numerous bloggers are espousing their own theories.

Now, it’s our turn to weigh in. The Daily Beast’s news shrink, clinical psychologist Stephen Josephson, says sexual performance and the stock market are often closely related. He recently saw a man who ran a trading desk and complained of “inconsistent erectile difficulties.” He was, says Josephson, “a handsome big guy, sleeping with hotties.” Further investigation revealed that the client couldn’t separate his work from his play. “I had him chart how much money he made each day to his sexual performance,” Josephson says. “When the market went up, so did he.” In fact, the stages of market related sexual dysfunction (Let’s call it MRSD) can be tracked, just like the market itself.

Stage 1: Volatility.

You might think that people under a lot of pressure might have a lot of sex, and you would be right. Initially. Pressure is an aphrodisiac, as long as it doesn’t continue for too long. People had sex in bomb shelters during WW II for instance, and there was that baby boom after 9-11. But during the Great Depression birth rates fell.

As Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Seattle-based author of Prime: Advice and Adventures on Sex, Love and the Sensuous Years explains, in the face of imminent death, people go at it thinking, “This may be the last time we make love.” But, she notes, that’s different from the slow-motion worry of “not being able to make your minimum payment or being foreclosed upon.”

Stage 2: Decline.

Sexual desire and anxiety are inversely proportional. The wife of one Wall Street player, who wishes to remain anonymous, told me that her husband rose at 5 a.m. to check on trading in Japan, only to find that it was National Fitness Day, and the market was closed. That didn’t help.

And as the bank account shrinks, the second-guessing begins, accompanied by intensifying cycles of doubt, fear and self-loathing. Significant others get snippy, asking why the 401-K wasn’t diversified and all the private school tuition money went to a personal trainer. One investment banker joked darkly that this market crash “is worse than a divorce: I lost half my wealth but I’m still married to my wife.”

Infidelity can increase during this period—strip clubs, prostitutes, one-night stands, anyone who isn’t a critical or anxious spouse. Elaine Calaway, a Houston psychologist who works with the well-heeled explains: “When finances are pinched, wealthy men feel super vulnerable with a wife or partner. Having a side-treat props them up, feeds that need to feel powerful and virile.”

Alas, the mistresses who are attracted to moneyed men aren’t very interested in hanging around once the money disappears, and the ones who do are put on short rations, one wife of a Texas oilman says. In turn, they are cutting back, too: way fewer triple process blondes, no more hair extensions, and they’ve put their Hermes bags on eBay.

Stage 3: Depression.

This is the period when, as Houston psychologist Andrew Gol explains, “Sex goes out the window.” Too many negative thoughts are death for the libido. Viagra, which needs the trigger of desire to send blood flow to the sexual organs, isn’t much help, if any. Heavy drinking, which might have lead to more illicit sex in earlier stages of financial distress, doesn’t help either, when things get really tough. “It makes it worse,” the sex deprived wife of one trader told me.

Stage 4: Rally.

In this phase, people will come to understand that money won’t make them happier, and they learn to enjoy life’s simpler pleasures. “America’s Sex Therapist” Ian Kerner showed that flag recently on MSNBC: “As we struggle to save our dollars, we allow the currency of our communication to become devalued by stress, anxiety and fear. It’s not just the state of the union we need to be worrying about, but also the state of our unions. So why not go home tonight and have some good old-fashioned sex?”

No word yet on what kind of bailout will be required to put that plan into effect.
by Mimi Swartz

On Silent Pleasures

October 18, 2008

I bet that unconsciously, most of you judge your sexual performance by the moans that your partner makes.


I have a new tip for you. Actually I could write a Cosmo article out of it, it would be titled something lame like: How To Get As Many As You Want, When You Want. But since Cosmo cultivates the art of reducing women to horny lightheads and doesn’t do a good job at encouraging you to be a totally selfish bitch, I’ll post this on the blog.


It’s called the Silent Orgasm. Here’s a story. Once a girl was having a just-ok orgasm, and the girl caught herself moaning as if it was a more-than-ok orgasm. The partner then made a cocky grin, fell asleep and pulled out, I don’t remember in which order but it was all approximately simultaneous. Now, the girl never had to fake, but this falls pretty short.


Silent Orgasm… it’s pretty self-explanatory. Unless you have sex for your partner, you don’t want to vocalize like a pornstar, no matter how positively reinforcing it can get. Most of them don’t feel pleasure anyway. For the first few times, pull  and hold his head to you and focus on kissing when you feel your orgasm coming, all throughout. You’ve probably conditioned yourself to praise/ moan/ sigh heavily, so occupying your mouth will keep you from that.  It’s innate and sinfully selfish. He’ll eagerly continue trying to get his magic going, while you bite your lower lip, your arms push heavily on the matress. And he’ll go on some more while you’re mentally grinning. They’re all about performance. And we are too.


Don’t get addicted though, it’s hard to go back to being considerate to the partner’s feelings/ego. Ultimately, the goal is to unlearn whatever habit you unconsciously internalized by ever seeing sex on TV/internet.


Or listen to each other’s breathing/panting, as much as that tip belongs in Cosmo.

Being Altruistic May Make You Attractive

October 16, 2008

ScienceDaily (Oct. 15, 2008) — Displays of altruism or selflessness towards others can be sexually attractive in a mate. This is one of the findings of a study carried out by biologists and a psychologist at The University of Nottingham.

In three studies of more than 1,000 people, Dr Tim Phillips and his fellow researchers discovered that women place significantly greater importance on altruistic traits than anything else. Their findings have been published in the British Journal of Psychology.

Dr Phillips said: “Evolutionary theory predicts competition between individuals and yet we see many examples in nature of individuals disadvantaging themselves to help others. In humans, particularly, we see individuals prepared to put themselves at considerable risk to help individuals they do not know for no obvious reward.”

Participants in the studies were questioned about a range of qualities they look for in a mate, including examples of altruistic behaviour such as ‘donates blood regularly’ and ‘volunteered to help out in a local hospital’. Women placed significantly greater importance on altruistic traits in all three studies.

Yet both sexes may consider altruistic traits when choosing a partner. One hundred and seventy couples were asked to rate how much they preferred altruistic traits in a mate and report their own level of altruistic behaviour. The strength of preference in one partner was found to correlate with the extent of altruistic behaviour typically displayed in the other, suggesting that altruistic traits may well be a factor both men and women take into account when choosing a partner.

Dr Phillips said: “For many years the standard explanation for altruistic behaviour towards non-relatives has been based on reciprocity and reputation — a version of ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’. I believe we need to look elsewhere to understand the roots of human altruism. The expansion of the human brain would have greatly increased the cost of raising children so it would have been important for our ancestors to choose mates both willing and able to be good, long-term parents. Displays of altruism could well have provided accurate clues to this and genes linked to altruism would have been favoured as a result.”

Dr Phillips concluded: “Sexual selection could well come to be seen as exerting a major influence on what made humans human.”

Dr Tom Reader in the School of Biology said: “Sexual preferences have enormous potential to shape the evolution of animal behaviour. Humans are clearly not an exception: sex may have a crucial role in explaining what are our most biologically interesting and unusual habits.”

Dry Orgasms; or the Art of Male Multiple Orgasms

October 15, 2008

From my previous Q & A Quickie Crash Course,

Q. A guy can have an orgasm without ejaculating. T or F?

A.  T.


Uh huh, without ejaculating/faking. How?

Dry orgasms can be caused by:
– Retrograde ejaculation; when semen is forced back into the bladder. Can be caused by diabetes, damage or injury to the prostate (prostatectomy or medication used to treat enlarged prostate.)
– Cystectomy (Surgical removal of the bladder)
-Radiation therapy directed at the pelvic area, such as for prostate cancer.
In those cases, infertility might be an issue.

Now, the explanation for the healthy is that orgasm and ejaculation are sometimes desynchronized. For example, conversely, ejaculatory anhedonia is when you ejaculate physically but do not have the accompanying feelings of release, pleasure, or orgasm. You could call it an “anorgasmic ejaculation”

Orgasms without ejaculating are you’re ultimate goal- no matter how satisfied you are with your average-male-single-average-orgasm.

Thus the process of learning multiple orgasms for men is through challenging beliefs about male orgasm.  I’ll allow myself to politically incorrectly generalize that men are simple (simple, not simplistic) in that they are happy with what they have, relationship/sex- wise whereas people bitch that women are “complicated”- that’s because we consider alternatives (including headaches) to finally get the best. That’s why I’m taking the time to write this sh.. The point is; explore other better options, and you know your chauvinistic ego, and your partner, will thank you for it.

First, the art of flexing the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle during sex, but before the PNR/Point of No Return/ejaculation. Requires practice- a common exercise of the wise is to practice stopping urination midstream. You can strengthen the muscle overtime with repeated tightening and releasing exercises.

Cheesier tips; – tune into your breathing, and masturbate slowly (although it might beat the purpose). Ultimately, the goal is to discover the Point of No Return, get more of them, and delay them more. You risk nothing by trying, at worse, 1)you’ll continue having early boring single ejaculation and 2) you’ll be thinking about sex everytime you urinate. Anyways, isn’t that already the case?

*CAUTION*: NOT a reliable form of birth control

coming soon: the silent orgasm

Make your own sex toys… hot or not?

October 15, 2008

Make Your Own Sex Toys: 50 Quick and Easy Do-It-Yourself Projects
Make Your Own Sex Toys

Now… im all about DIY but making your own sex toys?!

This book includes things like how to make your own leather leash, lotions and potions, and crochet collar. Granted bringing in some random foriegn objects in the mix might be interesting but CROCHET COLLARS?? I actually know a girl who would more than likely make this and probably do it openly while watching a hiphop show and its totally amazing… but personally I can’t imagine being on the bus and crocheting a collar for a future sexual adventure.

Personally I am not attracted to “cheap”. I don’t like my date being cheap and I don’t want my sex toys to be cheap either. Granted if i was stuck on an island with no shops perhaps my mind would change a little.

How would you introduce that into your sex life? Oh hey there boy.. “I made you a leather collar snuggle puff!” or perhaps “hey buttercup I made you a willy warmer”.

Probably of my favorite parts of finding this book is that Amazon sells it USED!!!!! for just a little over three dollars and they only have one left in stock of the new versions. Why in the world would you want someones used sex toy book? But I suppose if you are going to try and save money on sex toys you might as well save money on actually buying the book. You think the sell is just selling it to fund their sex toy purchases from actual sex toy sites?

Has anyone ever tried anything like this? Any experience stories? Anyone have their own DIY sex toy ideas?

Innappropriate Childrens Slide

October 12, 2008

Whats the slide actually suppose to be?

Swallow or Spit? Oral Sex and STDs, because you should already know

October 7, 2008

If you’re reading this, GOOD FOR YOU.

Herpes is probably the biggest STD risk during oral sex. Both strains of herpes can live in the mouth or the genitals, and particularly during outbreaks (cold sores, herpes lesions) can be passed from one place to the other.
Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect your throat. You can also get serious eye infections.
HIV; less likely than during unprotected penetrative sex.  The infected semen/precum or vaginal fluid must enter the body through a cut or sore in the mouth or esophagus. Any open sores, cold sores, etc. can be a route by which the virus or bacteria can enter the bloodstream and infect. Males; for the insertive partner there is a theoretical risk of infection because infected blood from a partner’s bleeding gums or an open sore could come in contact with a scratch, cut, or sore on the penis.
HPV can be passed during oral sex, but it is rare. HPV has been found on vocal chords.
Syphilis can be passed similar to HIV.
Hepatitis A is a risk particularly in oral-anal sex. Get a Hep A vaccine.

Reducing Risks: Your goals: 1)limit exposure to sexual fluids 2)ensure that no cuts or lesions are present in mouth or on genitals.

Use the classic male condom, dental dams for oral-vaginal/oral-anal sex. Alternatively cut an unrolled condom to the tip and use it as a latex barrier. PS: spermicide KILLS taste buds.
so, Spit or swallow? Did you just not understand the whole article? That said, if you find yourself having unprotected oral sex, it’s the fluids that carry the STD, and you want to limit contact with any possible lesion. So the conventional wisdom (if you were wise enough to find yourself in this situation) is, “swallow or spit, just don’t let it sit.” 

The Grand Slam
: Enjoy oral sex, get regular check-ups. A good check-up includes throat testing for gonorrhea, rectal testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia, urine testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia and blood tests for herpes, syphilis and HIV.


Finally, between you and I, I’ll admit that there are sexier things than giving oral sex to a condom. But it is my personal opinion that if I am to have casual sex, I’ll protect myself as if anyone I sleep with has an STD. And try unrolling a condom onto a penis with your mouth (somehow find a way to practice if you care what the owner thinks). It can be damn sexy, someone told me.

Sensual vs Sexual

October 5, 2008

Definitely find that subtly engaging pics are sexier than full frontal bare-it-alls. just like a slightly revealing top would be more enticing than a shameless decolleté. what do you think?