Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Pancakes on Weekend Mornings: Morning-After Behaviors and Oddities

November 23, 2008

I used to think Morning-After etiquette was basic innate knowledge, but some people never had sex out of a relationship, or some others are just socially underdeveloped. With a little forethought and some quick thinking this potential Venus-and-Mars minefield can be diffused easily and without the hard feelings that embitter people toward the opposite sex over time.

woman-biting-nailsSo, the morning after: Great sex or not, a polite ‘good morning’ chat is in order. You needn’t allude to the act itself; it may be wiser not to in case your ‘that was amazing’ is not reciprocated. Depending on the length of your acquaintance (fifth date, friends for years and then boom or one-night before a stressful meeting/exam the next morning), you may feel  snuggly but keep to the generalities of ‘What’s your plan for the day’ This gives both of you an out if the last thing you want is to play hooky together. If the answer is in mono-syllables, you should still be gallant and offer you lover first dibs on the shower (in case (s)he wants to take flight ASAP, or that shower could be just another testosterone-filled excuse so (s)he can score an extra morning session before (s)he starts the day.). Share your toothbrush. It’s very rude to be squeamish about toothbrushes with someone you’ve slept with. And it’s better than showing off your extensive collection of brand new ones kept for this purpose.

 

No matter what your intentions are, get dressed in the morning. (night-before tip: Be sure to keep your clothes in a close-together pile; it won’t do to spend painful moments awkwardly searching for your underwear, so either keep it close by, or prepare the possibility of losing those underpants forever) Strolling around nude, or even in pjs, is intimate, couple behavior. Yeah, it’s true that you got more than naked with them last night. But just so that no one mistakes sex for love, get dressed. Besides, people can look ‘different’ the next morning, and sometimes sobriety and daylight make for unpleasant discoveries. It’s especially nice to offer that second robe you keep on hand or a clean shirt. Just be aware that you may not ever see the garment again.

 

How you both handle breakfast tells you as much about what’s going on between you as the night before. If the sleepover occurred at your place, you really should offer something no matter how you feel. You fucked him/her, you can pour him/her a glass of OJ. That’s all you have to do if you’re mortified. Even if you don’t think they’re relationship material, you can still give them a bowl of Cheerios and a coffee. Reserve the offer to make pancakes or, most romantic of all, an invitation to the greasy spoon around the corner for someone you really like.  (Is there anything cuter than a greasy spoon on a Sunday at noon? All those sex-drunk, messy haired new couples sharing the NY Times?) This is vital. There’s something about pancakes on weekends mornings that makes people make more of the morning after than just a morning-after; use them with caution.

If you are one without thoughts of a repeat performance, be clear- nicely- right now. And go ahead and lie ‘’I’m not in the market for dating right now. I guess I’m still not over Bingo yet’’ is better than’‘I just really needed to get laid last night/needed a break from studying’’

Or you can definitely ask for partner’s number next morning, if sex preceded courtship. Anyhow, what you can expect is from a range of civilized polite behavior to friendliness post –casual sex. Unfortunately, many men get terrified and assume that you’ll want to be choosing china patterns if he so much as gets acquainted with your breasts.

That’s why another option is to leave before partner wakes up, because who are we kidding, the only reason you were over in the first place was because it’s socially retarded to have sex in a cab, and the only reason you stayed over was because you couldn’t find your way out of there.

exit
oh, and like a notch in a belt, some people choose to collect items from lovers as tokens of their night together. Whether it’s sweatshirts or lighters, this is not a practice of a fab person- at least not one out of high school.

Advertisements

237 reasons to do it now

November 4, 2008

Scholars in antiquity began counting the ways that humans have sex, but they weren’t so diligent in cataloging the reasons humans wanted to get into all those positions. Darwin and his successors offered a few explanations of mating strategies — to find better genes, to gain status and resources — but they neglected to produce a Kama Sutra of sexual motivations.

Perhaps you didn’t lament this omission. Perhaps you thought that the motivations for sex were pretty obvious. Or maybe you never really wanted to know what was going on inside other people’s minds, in which case you should stop reading immediately.

For now, thanks to psychologists at the University of Texas at Austin, we can at last count the whys. After asking nearly 2,000 people why they’d had sex, the researchers have assembled and categorized a total of 237 reasons — everything from “I wanted to feel closer to God” to “I was drunk.” They even found a few people who claimed to have been motivated by the desire to have a child.

Who knew, for instance, that a headache had any erotic significance except as an excuse for saying no? But some respondents of both sexes explained that they’d had sex “to get rid of a headache.” It’s No. 173 on the list.

Others said they did it to “help me fall asleep,” “make my partner feel powerful,” “burn calories,” “return a favor,” “keep warm,” “hurt an enemy” or “change the topic of conversation.” The lamest may have been, “It seemed like good exercise,” although there is also this: “Someone dared me.”

Researchers Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss collected the data by first asking more than 400 people to list their reasons for having sex, and then asking more than 1,500 others to rate how important each reason was to them.

The  top 10 for each gender were also almost all the same, including “I wanted to express my love for the person,” “I was sexually aroused and wanted the release” and “It’s fun.”

The results contradicted a stereotype about women: their supposed tendency to use sex to gain status or resources. “Our findings suggest that men do these things more than women,” Dr. Buss said, alluding to the respondents who said they’d had sex to get things, like a promotion, a raise or a favor.

But then, men were also more likely than women to say they’d had sex because “I was slumming.” Or simply because “the opportunity presented itself,” or “the person demanded that I have sex.”

If nothing else, the results seem to be a robust confirmation of the hypothesis in the old joke: How can a woman get a man to take off his clothes? Ask him.

To make sense of the 237 reasons, Dr. Buss and Dr. Meston created a taxonomy with four general categories:
Physical: “The person had beautiful eyes” or “a desirable body,” or “was good kisser” or “too physically attractive to resist.” Or “I wanted to achieve an orgasm.”
Goal Attainment: “I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner” or “break up a rival’s relationship” or “make money” or “be popular.” Or “because of a bet.”
Emotional: “I wanted to communicate at a deeper level” or “lift my partner’s spirits” or “say ‘Thank you.’ ” Or just because “the person was intelligent.”
Insecurity: “I felt like it was my duty” or “I wanted to boost my self-esteem” or “It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.”

Both sexes seem to practice a strategy that he calls mate-guarding, as illustrated in one of the reasons given by survey respondents: “I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn’t.”

Nowhere among the 237 reasons will you find the one attributed to the actress Joan Crawford: “I need sex for a clear complexion.” (The closest is “I thought it would make me feel healthy.”)Nor will you find anything about gathering rosebuds while ye may (the 17th-century exhortation to young virgins from Robert Herrick). Nor the similar hurry-before-we-die rationale (“The grave’s a fine and private place/ But none I think do there embrace”) from Andrew Marvell in “To His Coy Mistress.”

From even a cursory survey of literature or the modern mass market in sex fantasies, it seems clear that this new taxonomy may not be any more complete than the original periodic table of the elements.

October 20, 2008

Women on the Pill Choose Wrong Sex Partners

September 26, 2008
The criteria that identifies a right sex partner, according to biology, (obviously I don’t have my say in this), is that he/she has the most different genetic makeup.

Quickie on genetics: 
Having two genetically different parents increases the chance for healthy offspring: for each gene, a zygote (formed when a spermatozoid reaches the ovula) receives a copy from his mom, and one from his dad. If both copies carry the same mutation (homozygotes) recessive diseases will express. So the parents might have been only carriers, but the baby will be affected by the disease. Whereas if the mom is a carrier but the dad isn’t, the baby is a heterozygote: he ends up only being a carrier.

But birth control pill makes women desire the wrong men… according to a recent U.K study published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences. “If this really happens in the real world, women on the pill would end up choosing a more genetically similar mate than she would otherwise choose and
the implications go on from there,” study researcher S. Craig Roberts, PhD

In an earlier U.S. study, women who were genetically similar to their partners reported being less satisfied in their
sexual relationship with their partner — and were seeking more new sex partners — than were women with genetically dissimilar partners.

Animal studies show that female mammals can smell out males whose MHC genes are different from their own. MHC genes affect important immune responses. By mating with males who have different MHC genes, females give their offspring a better disease-fighting repertoire.Rachel Herz, PhD, author of The Scent of Desire and a faculty member at Brown University, says there is a real connection between body odor, MHC, and the mates a woman chooses. Hence the T-shirt-sniffing studies. Herz and her team paid 37 women to smell men’s T-shirts before and after going on the pill. Then they compared the women’s before- and after-pill ratings of the odors to the control group 60 women not on the pill. The result: After taking the pill, women shifted toward preferring genetically similar men. Women who did not take the pill slightly increased their preference for genetically different men.
    

Possible explanation?           
In animals, when females become pregnant, they start to prefer scent of males with similar genetics. This may allow them to seek out males that will help them protect and raise the baby. And since the Pill makes your body think it’s pregnant (with progesterone, which is secreted by the amniotic sac in pregnant women), it would have the same effect.    

what i have to add:
I went off the pill twice in the last 4 years. The first time, my (male) ex and I broke up and I ended up with a girl. As far as I know, my ex and I had the most dissimilar genetics you could find. The second time… after a whisky dick and a totally EDed partner… well I haven’t had sex in a month.

Then again, an important assumption in the study is that odours play a strong role in partner choice… more than performance? I ask. No, I answer.
That’s why even off the Pill, I’m still attracted to those who made me want to start taking the Pill. What are your experiences? do you think odour is determinant to that point?

Finally, let’s just say that whatever the Pill does or doesn’t do to our tastes, without it, I couldn’t have had the luxury to marvel at all genetic variety, let alone sample it.

found this on a may 2007 post by blogger. On May 9, 1960 – the FDA (Food and Drug Administration, US)approved the first birth control pill.

 

scrubs quote

June 30, 2008

Relationship Boredom

June 17, 2008

Life is so short and love is so amazing but people still insists on staying in a loveless relationship.

Every once and a while I see couples who have been together for years and are not really sure why. Unable to explain why they are together.

I am well aware that some relationships go through that phase where you are almost bored but usually it’s more of a personal issue and not necessarily the relationship at fault. What I don’t understand is why people stay in relationships where the spark is just gone. I’ve seen so many relationships that fall into this state and its never a good situation.

One person in the relationship always end up flirting with others or confessing to others they have feelings. Sometimes they act on them other times they don’t. Why be in a situation that makes you unhappy? I think these people are scared and would rather risk being semi-happy in an “okay” relationship that take the dive and be single for a while and meet someone who is more suitable. Maybe there is a standard they don’t think they can meet so they settle with second best?

Maybe its because my longest relationship has been 2 years on and off that I am completely jaded that long relationships work. There are very few couples that I’ve met that make me think “wow after such a long time they still totally look in love”. My parents are probably the best example of this. After something like 35 years of marriage they are still completely head over heels in love. You think with such a good example in my life I would be more willing to accept that relationships don’t get old over time. Most couples I’ve met seem to be bored and have the same routine. Granted that is exactly what some people want in life, routine, comfort and security. I hope I never end up in this situation but I see how it can work for certain personality types.

Sometimes it works.. sometimes it doesn’t. I think a lot of relationships have to deal with a lot of insecurities with the parties involved. In a recent conversation a friend of mine described it best…

“ I often think that so often people don’t know how to deal with their own problems that they look to a relationship as a bank account for their own miserable bullshit” – quote from a friend who will only go by the name “Dr.Love”.

Which can only lead to problems and unhappiness and really who wants that? You need to deal with your issues and not bury them and get stuck in a relationship that just makes the situation worse.

Its my personal opinion that best thing for a successful and happy relationship to happen is that both parties of the relationship can be independent. Dependency is nice and its a really great part of being in a relationship but I think that independence is just as important and can help with “couple boredom syndrome”. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”- unknown. Both parties need to have lives aside from each other. It doesn’t have to be something huge that it makes it hard to schedule alone time and its best if its not work related. It allows for some mystery in the life of your significant other and actually something to talk about aside from the weather and the same old “how was your day” conversations. It seems like such a trivial solution but really I don’t think enough couples of my generation take time to be independent. Serial daters are more and more common because no one takes time to be independent so when they jump from relationship to relationship it turns into the only thing they have.

Talk Nerdy to Me….. the sequel

May 27, 2008

It is inevitable that relationships are going to evolve in modern time. I always assumed that this would mean the chasing game would get a bit easier or, guys and girls would start to understand each other but no. We’ve just evolved to hiding behind a computer screen. The Internet is here and its here to stay.

I feel like our generation lost our personal connection with people. We are constantly texting, messaging and chatting as major forms of communication. This leads to a whole world wind of problems for relationships. What ever happened to the Internet just being “the Internet”. Now days… if you don’t change your status or check your messages every couple of hours an argument can brew and it doesn’t stop there. Ever try and talk about something serious in a text message? Its impossible to get your point across yet we still converse this way even though we know the person, we still find comfort in hiding behind that screen no matter how small it is.

The Internet can be a great place to meet people, or a cold and faceless way to get rid of them. With these networking tools people allow them selves to take risks with people they normally wouldn’t or people in different area codes. It creates a comfort zone which allows you to talk to someone you would normally think is out of your league. I’ve met, hooked up and dated people I never would of originally thought I had a chance with all thanks to this modern world we live in. For the most part online talking is a good prequel to spending face to face time. Most first meetings are incredibly awkward but the Internet allows you to move beyond that to some what of a friendship before tripping over your own feet in person.

What goes up must come down and even though relationships have evolved so has the modern break up. I feel that the best way to break up with someone is in person but online can also be fairly useful in communicating without getting angry and letting emotions get in the way of getting your point across. This is only effective after the official in person break up has happened. Actually breaking up online… really lets face it… its the cowards way out. The worst part about these break ups is if this person is part of any of these online communities. Its almost like dating someone you work with and then its over. You have to see this person everyday and hear about them from co-workers. The Internet makes you feel the same. News feeds of what that person is up to or seeing their face in random pictures with, now, mutual friends. The one saving grace that real life doesn’t and the world of technology is the ever so amazing “delete key”. In a matter of seconds you can delete them from your life and start to move on.

Moving on has never been easier. These days we literally have the whole world at our finger tips. Filling in that missing void is as easy as just flirting online with the right person. Companionship is incredibly easy to find in a virtual world, you can pay for it with a cam or dating site, pretend you have it with a little porn or actually find a real person if your lurking skills are up to par.

If this is the modern relationship timeline… what the future holds?

Hook Ups Mix Tape

May 17, 2008

sexandtheuniversity.muxtape.com

Lovers and exlovers are some of the greatest muses for music writers. This is my mix dedicated to new and old lovers. Songs inspired by love

Hook Ups Mix Tape


Wintersleep – Listen [Listen, Listen]

“I will love you till the day my heart dies”

“There’s something in the way our lips touch,
there’s something in the way we’re stuck together
and they don’t build love like that no more.”

www.wintersleep.com

The Velvet Underground – I’m Sticking With You
“Im sticking with you
cos Im made out of glue
Anything that you might do
Im gonna do too”

You might recognize this song from the juno soundtrack.

More info on The velvet underground

Wilco – Reservations

“Oh I’ve got reservations
about so many things
but not about you”

www.wilcoworld.net


Ben Folds – The Luckiest

“I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you”
“And in a white sea of eyes,I see one pair that I recognize,And I know,That I am,I am,I am,The luckiest”

www.benfolds.com

The Faders – No Sleep Tonight
“I got you, i got you on my mind,And it’s time to make you see (what i want),So i’ll just make this a little more obvious,Cuz i get what i want, and i want you to get with me!”

More info on The Faders

The Ergs – Kind of Like Smitten

A personal favorite song of mine. I only dream of a boy writing a song like this for me. The lyrics are adorable.

“Last night when you said, I was your favorite person in the whole wide world,I almost lost myself, You said, “You don’t even know”,And it was so amazing, God, I’m so in love with you”

The ergs myspace

Food for Lovers

May 17, 2008

Eating right is a goal in itself. But if you need another reason to eat healthy:

Fats and oils contain Vitamin E: studies on rats and mice showed that a diet without vitamin E would lead to impotence in males and miscarriages in females. When the levels are restored, the symptoms are reversed. Choose healthy fats (olive oil in salad dressing, fish), not deep fried chicken and chips.

Grapes/wine contain resveratrol: mice on a resveratrol diet can solve mazes (you know what I mean…!) better than those who drank strong alcohol instead. Resveratrol in wine also alters the structure of beta-amyloid, which is the compound that deposits in the brain in high levels in Alzheimer’s disease, so that it accumulates to a lesser level.

Fruits and vegetables contain anti-oxidants: less fat deposition in the blood vessels. Bad circulation, lumpy erection.

Chocolate, of course. Contains phenylethylamine: this compound is related to falling in love. Also found in peanuts. Moreover, chocolate increases the amount of Nitric Oxyde, which induces vasodilatation and thus triggers erection: the same principle as Viagra, which was originally developed as a muscle relaxant. But you would have to eat a fat load of chocolate! You might also want to know that chocolate and marijuana share some chemistry: the chemical anandamide in chocolate fits the same receptor as the active ingredient in pot. Cassanova used to eat chocolate before… well, anytime of the day.

No Meat: was believed to be sexually inflammatory by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg (the Frosted Flakes guy). This is a very general affirmation, however, you should know that Dr Kellogg introduced sports as a way of being healthy and offered light therapy against depression (which is a proven clinical method). He believed that meat would rob the body of energy necessary for health.

No carbs: Some Italian women say that ‘if you want your man to perform, don’t feed him pasta’. Or rice, potatoes, bread, etc. While the common belief is that carbs give you fast energy (which they do), the fact is that sugars release tryptophan, which enhances the brain’s ability to absorb serotonin, which relaxes you. And your penis.

Every aspect counts… looking forward to your tales of success.

Deal breakers

May 14, 2008

according to urban dictionary a deal breaker is
” A deal breaker is ‘the catch’ that a particular individual cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality the individual may possess. ”

some of my deal breakers are..

-Height. guys must be taller than me by at least a foot.
-Shoes. i hate bad shoes
-Living with their mom/parents
-Bad taste in music

What are some of yours?

Right? or Right now?

May 7, 2008

I seem to know a lot of people who never seem to ever be single. They jump from relationship to relationship without any sort of leeway. Which makes me wonder… are they just settling for “mr./miss Right now?” Do they just not want to be alone so much that they stay with someone who is not really suited for the future? Are they aware of the situation?
What about you? Do you see a future with your partner?

This poll is 100% anonymous.
Do you Feel you are with Mr/Miss. Right? or Right Now?