scrubs quote

Relationship Boredom

Life is so short and love is so amazing but people still insists on staying in a loveless relationship.

Every once and a while I see couples who have been together for years and are not really sure why. Unable to explain why they are together.

I am well aware that some relationships go through that phase where you are almost bored but usually it’s more of a personal issue and not necessarily the relationship at fault. What I don’t understand is why people stay in relationships where the spark is just gone. I’ve seen so many relationships that fall into this state and its never a good situation.

One person in the relationship always end up flirting with others or confessing to others they have feelings. Sometimes they act on them other times they don’t. Why be in a situation that makes you unhappy? I think these people are scared and would rather risk being semi-happy in an “okay” relationship that take the dive and be single for a while and meet someone who is more suitable. Maybe there is a standard they don’t think they can meet so they settle with second best?

Maybe its because my longest relationship has been 2 years on and off that I am completely jaded that long relationships work. There are very few couples that I’ve met that make me think “wow after such a long time they still totally look in love”. My parents are probably the best example of this. After something like 35 years of marriage they are still completely head over heels in love. You think with such a good example in my life I would be more willing to accept that relationships don’t get old over time. Most couples I’ve met seem to be bored and have the same routine. Granted that is exactly what some people want in life, routine, comfort and security. I hope I never end up in this situation but I see how it can work for certain personality types.

Sometimes it works.. sometimes it doesn’t. I think a lot of relationships have to deal with a lot of insecurities with the parties involved. In a recent conversation a friend of mine described it best…

“ I often think that so often people don’t know how to deal with their own problems that they look to a relationship as a bank account for their own miserable bullshit” – quote from a friend who will only go by the name “Dr.Love”.

Which can only lead to problems and unhappiness and really who wants that? You need to deal with your issues and not bury them and get stuck in a relationship that just makes the situation worse.

Its my personal opinion that best thing for a successful and happy relationship to happen is that both parties of the relationship can be independent. Dependency is nice and its a really great part of being in a relationship but I think that independence is just as important and can help with “couple boredom syndrome”. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”- unknown. Both parties need to have lives aside from each other. It doesn’t have to be something huge that it makes it hard to schedule alone time and its best if its not work related. It allows for some mystery in the life of your significant other and actually something to talk about aside from the weather and the same old “how was your day” conversations. It seems like such a trivial solution but really I don’t think enough couples of my generation take time to be independent. Serial daters are more and more common because no one takes time to be independent so when they jump from relationship to relationship it turns into the only thing they have.

Talk Nerdy to Me….. the sequel

It is inevitable that relationships are going to evolve in modern time. I always assumed that this would mean the chasing game would get a bit easier or, guys and girls would start to understand each other but no. We’ve just evolved to hiding behind a computer screen. The Internet is here and its here to stay.

I feel like our generation lost our personal connection with people. We are constantly texting, messaging and chatting as major forms of communication. This leads to a whole world wind of problems for relationships. What ever happened to the Internet just being “the Internet”. Now days… if you don’t change your status or check your messages every couple of hours an argument can brew and it doesn’t stop there. Ever try and talk about something serious in a text message? Its impossible to get your point across yet we still converse this way even though we know the person, we still find comfort in hiding behind that screen no matter how small it is.

The Internet can be a great place to meet people, or a cold and faceless way to get rid of them. With these networking tools people allow them selves to take risks with people they normally wouldn’t or people in different area codes. It creates a comfort zone which allows you to talk to someone you would normally think is out of your league. I’ve met, hooked up and dated people I never would of originally thought I had a chance with all thanks to this modern world we live in. For the most part online talking is a good prequel to spending face to face time. Most first meetings are incredibly awkward but the Internet allows you to move beyond that to some what of a friendship before tripping over your own feet in person.

What goes up must come down and even though relationships have evolved so has the modern break up. I feel that the best way to break up with someone is in person but online can also be fairly useful in communicating without getting angry and letting emotions get in the way of getting your point across. This is only effective after the official in person break up has happened. Actually breaking up online… really lets face it… its the cowards way out. The worst part about these break ups is if this person is part of any of these online communities. Its almost like dating someone you work with and then its over. You have to see this person everyday and hear about them from co-workers. The Internet makes you feel the same. News feeds of what that person is up to or seeing their face in random pictures with, now, mutual friends. The one saving grace that real life doesn’t and the world of technology is the ever so amazing “delete key”. In a matter of seconds you can delete them from your life and start to move on.

Moving on has never been easier. These days we literally have the whole world at our finger tips. Filling in that missing void is as easy as just flirting online with the right person. Companionship is incredibly easy to find in a virtual world, you can pay for it with a cam or dating site, pretend you have it with a little porn or actually find a real person if your lurking skills are up to par.

If this is the modern relationship timeline… what the future holds?

Talk Nerdy to Me?

Many people have written books on dating and romance. How to meet someone at a bar, How to romance the pants off of a significant other and many many others.

Recently I discovered a book on Amazon called “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating ”. The best part about amazon is that you can buy them used for $5. I almost can’t remember what dating was like before the Internet. How would you get to know someone? Talk to them in person?…HA! Our world has evolved from giving out your phone number to giving your MSN contact and adding them to Facebook with an ever so ironic and clever “poke”.

The magical world of the Internet has opened a Pandora’s box in the dating world. It can be the worst thing for relationships and hearts or it can be one of the greatest tools in the history of flirting.

The e-world is filled with all kinds of Internet relationships. From single serving sessions of love to people getting married over IRC (believe it or not but that couple is now celebrating their 12th wedding anniversary). We are a world filled with all kinds of lonely people. Some more than others, but granted we are all looking for some sort of connection… romantic or not. Hiding behind a screen allows a safe and secure place to be yourself or who ever you want to be. Craigslist personal connections or word of war craft are two great examples. They say the Internet was originally created for the military… well I think that’s a lie. I think the Internet was created for all the awkward people of the world to unite. Eventually it evolved into not only a tool for the awkward and nerdy but a place for our entire generation to socialize virtually.

With a tool that allows people to interact in such an easy fashion comes huge problems. Dating websites, pay cam/internet porn, and online networking sites have developed into a billion dollar industry because we’re constantly searching for a greater connection.

Facebook, Msn and Myspace seem to be three of the most popular forms of communication for my age group. I’ve seen many relationships grow and some of them crumble using these tools. It all starts with some casual flirting and maybe a comment on a picture or something of the sort. It then eventually grows into messages everyday and comments on profiles. Their friends add you and eventually you start to spend more time in person together and going out on group outings. Before you know it a relationship has evolved. Then the greatest event of the modern relationship happens “The Status Change”. These days nothing is really official until its announced to the virtual world you are “now listed as in a relationship”. Every thing runs smoothly until there are other interesting people that get added to the friends list. More comments happen, more messages and before you know it the poison of the Internet sets in. It comes in the form of jealousy, uncertainty and curiosity. These new people are coming into your partners life the same way you did. Do you trust them?

Relationships are more and more easy to find online, whether it’s long distance, in your home town, or by the minute… anyone can feel like they are special to someone from the comfort of their own home. Is the temptation too much? Can the modern relationship survive modern technology?