For sale: One (1) orgasm … Cost: $1850.00

Okay, so I came across this news story a few days ago. Basically, women around the world are supposed to rejoice, for illustrious doctors have come up with a new type of surgery, called … wait for it … the G-Shot! They can inject collagen into your pussy, thus plumping up your G-spot area, with the ultimate goal of increasing your sexual pleasure. Brave reader, awaiting you are multiple orgasms and a reinvigorated sex life! Er … thank you, science?

Sure, yeah, orgasms are super. Multiple orgasms? Even better. But still, my reaction to the G-Shot is still a big Blech!

First, there are health risks: There are 68 risks that are associated with the G-Shot. Orgasms are sexy, sure, but for some reason, nodule formations just don’t get me hot and wet.

More seriously though, I feel the G-Shot’s major turn-off is the extreme importance that it is placing on the female orgasm. The fact that a woman reported that getting the surgery increased her self-esteem just kind of illustrates that unpleasant implication of the G-shot: So if a woman can’t orgasm at all (or can’t have multiple orgasms or ejaculate or whatever), then does this mean that she’s a sexual failure and should be terribly disappointed in herself?

Don’t get me wrong, I think the female orgasm is important. In fact, I love that female sexuality and sexual pleasure and orgasms are now discussed in relatively mainstream settings and are taken seriously. After all, one of the goals of the Women’s Liberation movement was in fact to promote women’s sexual satisfaction, hence the rise of Our Bodies, Ourselves and The Almighty Clitoris, and the fall of the man who would pump the woman for four minutes before collapsing and falling asleep. That the female orgasm is acknowledged and is even put on a pedestal in some circles is a huge improvement on the silence that used to exist.

However, I’m starting to think that we’re taking things a little too far. Don’t get me wrong; I love fucking and I fucking love orgasms. However, I don’t think they’re the be-all and end-all of sex. That cheesy saying about the journey being just as important as the final destination applies here, I think.

There’s something very lovely (to put it lightly!) about orgasming, but there’s also something very appealing about fooling around for hours upon hours, exploring the body of another person, teasing him or her, playing with different spots and positions. Sure, in the end, perhaps no one’s orgasmed, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You can’t equate four hours of sexual exploration with an orgasm or two, but you can’t rank one above the other either.

I think that in our time-crunched lives, sex has become in a way almost standardized and institutionalized. There exist books telling us the best ways to have sex, maybe to save us the time and “trouble” of figuring it out ourselves. Plus, with so little time, we actually have to schedule sex. In this kind of setting, no wonder why sex has become painfully goal-oriented! I’ve experienced that myself, and it kind of sucks to pressure yourself to “succeed” and make your partner come. So no, the G-Shot isn’t really helping, because it just tells us that indeed, you actually can fail at sex, and its idea of a cure to this “problem” is by offering to insert bits of extraneous protein into your pussy.

God, with all the pressure to “win” at sex, no wonder why I see so many sex advice columns inundated with women looking for tips on orgasming. It’s telling that the columnists usually respond by counselling these self-tortured souls to masturbate in a low-pressure, comfortable setting, to just forget about orgasming, and to just go with the flow.

I try to keep this perspective when it comes to sex. Sure, it’s difficult and it doesn’t always occur, but I’m trying. Truthfully, right now, my only “goals” when it comes to sex are the following: To have fun and to do it often. Sure, orgasms are important too, but hell, I’m also pretty happy just gettin’ some.

– Yun

Go Forth and Fuck

My biases for rock, metal and punk may be completely over the top, irrational and unyielding, but when I read about all the good that this kind of music presents the world, my spine tingles.

Enter Fuck for Forest, a Norwegian eco-activist porn organization. What do they do? They fuck each other’s brains out in order to raise money and awareness against deforestation and other environmental catastrophes. This is all sorts of awesome in a world which could seriously use a daily dose of awesome. It is now common place to “give” to charities through consumerism (Product Red, celebrity adoption, anything Oprah comes up with), which makes FFF all the more refreshing.

To start out, one reason I immediately love them is that I discovered FFF because they had sex on stage during a Norwegian metal festival. Ah, metal, annihilating preconceived notions of normative behaviour since 1970. The two main protagonists, Leona and Tommy, gave a brief talk to an audience of more than 5000 at the music festival about ignoring dwindling reserves of nature at our own peril. After the quick chat ended, the couple shed their clothes as the aptly named metal band The Cumshots began to shred their way through “Go Forth and Fuck.” The two were there, front and center, she perched on a main speaker, he standing behind her, the band growling all around them, the audience stunned and excited, all surrounded by a serene, picturesque mountain lake scenery. Awesome!

Sex sells, definitely. Ironically, FFF’s biggest problem is moving the funds once they receive them. So far, they’ve raised over $100,000 but because they are essentially a porn organization, groups such as the WWF in Europe refuses to take their money for environmental causes. Tommy and Leona are, understandably, utterly fucking bewildered. “What is morality when people are destroying the world?” retaliates Tommy when the WWF black labels their organization. Mainstream organizations are much, much too prude to accept tarnished, pornography money. Meanwhile, across the ocean in the USA, the porn industry is a multi billion dollar a year industry which puts its money God knows where. So, like the very metal they fucked alongside, they turn to less mainstream, less orthodox venues. They have turned their attention, and checkbooks, to Brazilian indigenous people and Costa Rican deforestation problems, hoping that their cumshots will be able to make a difference in the world.

In 1969, Yoko Ono and John Lennon made headlines when they stayed in bed for peace during their honeymoon. Their hotel room was constantly crowded with reporters and other media goons – sure, the Beatles were still the biggest band in the world and Beatlemania had yet to fade from anyone’s memory, but in reality, they just wanted to see John Lennon and Yoko Ono consummate their marriage. But now, when two activists consummate their passion on-stage, they get a hefty fine, they get ostracized from mainstream activism (the feeling is mutual, I’m sure) and are forced to basically beg larger organizations to take their money for a good cause. Echoing Tommy’s words at the music festival, “how far are you willing to try and save nature?”

Dude, where’s my (good) porn?!

“Friends, Romans, fellow porn-watchers, lend me your Internet browsing histories.”

Okay, all bad attempts at literary references aside, I’m serious: Readers of this blog, help a person out. Give me some recommendations for porn. Please.

Oh, wait. First, a disclaimer: I don’t want to delve too deep into my feelings on porn, on my stance on the never-ending “porn is pro- or anti-woman” debate. The truth is, I’m still in the process of figuring this out myself. I haven’t yet decided where on the spectrum I stand; all I know is that sometimes, for better or for worse, there’s nothin’ that hits the spot better than a good self-lovin’ session with some good porn. (Pun intended.)

The problem I have is … Where’s the good porn?

Of course, everyone’s taste in porn varies. I’ll tell you what I like, and you’ll see why I’m so goddamn frustrated about the lack of my “good” porn. Let’s start off with the good ol’ hetero porn. Usually, this stuff doesn’t cut it for me. This type of porn simply mirrors exactly what I see in our heteronormative society every day.

Sure, there are different faces, different body shapes, and different variations on power structures during sex (“Oooh! He’s waiting for her to come before he does anything to pleasure himself – how revolutionary!”), but essentially, I still always see the same two actors in everyday life as I do in my hetero porn. Thus, why would seeing a porno featuring a girl seducing a guy (or vice-versa) turn me on? I can find that same old routine in one of the many billboard ads or TV commercials that hawk low-rise jeans or some “exotically-named” perfume.

My gay roommate tried to help me, by sharing his prized collection of the “hottest gay porn out there”. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t turned on by all of the double-penetration and anal-stretching and circle-jerks that I saw. But I guess I’m kind of self-centered because sadly, when I watch man-on-man porn, my poor little ego ends up crying out plaintively, “But where do I come into the picture?” I guess part of me needs to live vicariously through porn, and I simply can’t do that when the principal actors in a porno can survive and thrive on cock alone.

So that leaves me with just girl-on-girl porn. You’d think that I’d be happy with the selection; there’s a lot of that stuff floating around, after all. Unfortunately, I’m not pleased with my choices, and to be honest, I don’t think it’s because I’m “picky”.

I think that a lot of the “lesbian” porn that circulates is primarily aimed towards men. Why? To be frank, it’s in how the women look: They all look so damn … straight. Long hair, fingernails that look like they’d rip vaginas into shreds, half a pound of makeup on the face, spray-on tans … I could go on.

Yet, to go on a brief tangent, at the same time, I actually kind of dislike this sort of thinking of mine. I dislike knowing that I’m placing these women on a Lesbian-o-meter. Who am I to judge how “queer” a person should look before I decide that she’s “authentically queer”? Who am I to presume that lipstick and long hair makes a woman any less of a lesbian than a motorcycle and a crew-cut? Again, this is something that I still have to work out for myself. Until then, I’m a little sad to say, the truth is that this is how I feel.

Anyway, back to my point. For better or for worse, most mainstream lesbian porn out there strikes me as ersatz and tacky, pandering more to those in the Girls-Gone-Wild fanbase than to people like me: a horny queer girl looking for some, well, to put it bluntly, some hot dyke action.

So that’s it. Please help me out. Surely I’m not the only person who finds the sex scenes in The L Word (which can be found on primetime tele-fucking­-vision, of all places!) to be ten times hotter than the stuff from hotlesbiansluts.com. And surely I’m not the only person kind of frustrated by this!

– Yun

How to Come Out to your Doctor

In order to get quality health treatment, our doctors or health care providers need to know our sexual orientation and our sexual practices. But coming out to your doctor can be an intimidating process. Here are some tips for coming out to your doctor.

Difficulty: N/A

Time Required: 15 Minutes

Here’s How:
1. If it’s time for you to get a new doctor, try got get a gay friendly one.
2. Be aware of the health risks for lesbians.
3. When you check in at your doctor’s office ask for a “health care directive” form. On these forms you indicate what kind of end of life care you want and you can appoint a Health care representative. The health care representative will have the power to make decisions for you if you are not able to. You can also indicate who you want to visit you in the hospital.
4. When filling out the new patient information form, leave blank any questions about birth control if you are not using any birth control. When your doctor asks about birth control, this can be your opening to come out to her.
5. Don’t write your sexual orientation on the form. It’s best to disclose that information face-to-face with your doctor to see how she reacts.
6. If you can help it, meet your new doctor for the first time fully clothed. You will feel more comfortable and less like there is a power-imbalance.
7. Come out. If the doctors asks you about birth control, simply say, “I’m a lesbian, I don’t sleep with men.” Or if you are bisexual say, “When I’m with men, I use XX birth control, but with women I practice safe sex by using latex barriers.”
8. If the issue of sex doesn’t come up, tell your doctor that you understand the importance of open communication with a health care provider for quality health care and that it’s important that she know you are a lesbian. Notice what her reaction and comfortability are.
9. Remember the reason you are coming out to your doctor is so that you can receive the best treatment possible. In order to get good care, you need to have a good relationship with your doctor. If your doctor seems at all uncomfortable with your sexual orientation, look for a new doctor!

Thanks Kathy