Posts Tagged ‘oral sex’

Cunnilingus- Inventory of Parts : They All Work

December 1, 2008


– you should read the previous post before diving into this more technical second part –

As happens with manual stimulation, the most common mistake of the eager novice is to focus too narrowly on what is assumed to be the most important piece of real estate. Every square millimeter of a woman’s sexual anatomy is capable of responding to oral stimulation and will do so reliably if given half a chance. Going straight for the clit and licking, flicking, sucking, and slurping madly away at it is much more apt to produce irritation, both physical and emotional, than satisfaction. Let’s start by reconnoitering the entire terrain, up close and personal.

Five basic components that respond to oral stimulation: labia, clit, vestibule, fourchette (where lips meet, near anus) and surrounding musculature, and vagina. Lips like to be pinched between the teeth and pulled, or sucked firmly. In addition to suction, clits take to being squeezed being the teeth. Be sure to keep the hood in place and gently scrape the shaft and gland with the edges of your teeth. Like the cut edge of an exposed cable, there are 8000 nerve ending in a clit, so the SLOW, gentle drag of a sharp, wet tooth edge is exquisitely intense. Covering your uppers with a hooked lip is never a bad idea. The vestibule, being the most sensitive part, needs gentle, moist contact. When taking a mouthful, your tongue will naturally rest there. Grasp the clitoris between your upper teeth and tongue and gently nod your head, subtly stimulating the vestibule with each movement.  The fourchette responds well to licking and the contact of your face pressed against it, stimulating the important muscles of the pelvic floor. Your tongue won’t reach very far into the vagina, and it doesn’t have to. As you press your face to the fourchette, your tongue will penetrate just far enough to stimulate the nerves at the entrance. Wide, circular, lapping motions with a flat tongue feel good there too.

Start with just your hands, massaging partner’s fourchette, and the muscles around it until she’s fully relaxed and starting to move her hips. Before seeking out all hidden treasures, begin by taking the entire vulva into your mouth in a slow, powerful, sucking embrace with lips and tongue and working all that sensitive tissue around in leisurely swirls. You’ll quickly discover, as with ikea furniture, that no extra parts are included in the package; everything serves a purpose. Likewise, your own inventory includes more than one relevant subassembly. Mouths work best in concert with hands, and tongues can’t do their best work without the support of knowing lips and teeth.

If the intended mood is playful and teasing, spend time massaging and manipulating the labia, clitoral hood, and the muscles surrounding the vaginal opening until she’s pulling at your hair or other variations (really bucking her hips, etc) demonstrating her urgent need. Do things to her outer labia that men like having done to their scrotums: pulling, pinching, twisting, stretching, and tugging. Stretch her flesh slowly and firmly.

Put an arm around her hip with your hand resting on her stomach, or reach up and grab a breast or her hand. The secret is to stick with any one move until you feel a response from her before making the next one.

As the heat rises, place your upper jaw across her pubic bone at the base of the clit and lower jaw over the introitus (vaginal opening). Rest the entire weight of your head on her mound and nuzzle slowly, applying the gentlest of suction, perhaps combined with the smallest of nodding motions. Breathing in, pull the vulva into mouth, releasing it as exhaling. Continue until she breathes with you.

Something else that works well is to place your lower teeth at the base of the clit and, with your upper teeth, bite the flesh above her vulva as you move your chin toward her belly button an inch or two. This stretches the clit, and should feel fantastic.

All it comes down to is that cunnilingus is not a competitive sport- it has no single goal but rather a multiplicity of purposes. For some, it leads to orgasms as nothing else can. For others, it’s a vital element of foreplay, without which penetrative intercourse is essentially a labor of love. Some men are highly aroused by the intimate contact of mouth on vulva. Others practice cunnilingus as a form of worship, meant to convey a strong desire to please and appreciation of the opportunity to do so. But keep in mind that you don’t ‘give’ your partner orgasms; you can only offer assistance through your attention to her desires. At its best, it should be easy, mutual pleasure. The exact form that pleasure takes is a discovery you’ll make along the way.


Enthusiasm more important than technique? Cunnilingus : Working Under the Hood

November 24, 2008

Whatever your excuses or hesitations when it comes to putting your face between a woman’s legs, now’s the time to get over them. If you think that pussy is somehow ‘dirty’, know that a freshly washed vulva is considerably cleaner than a human mouth, so if you’re willing to kiss, you should have no problem with applying your lingual skills farther south.

teacher3While porn has become a de facto form of sex instruction in a society that does a poor job of conveying technical specifics by other means, some of what it teaches is just plain wrong and needs to be unlearned by anyone wishing to please a fellow human, as opposed to emulating the formulaic acts of professional performers. Good cunnilingus is all but invisible to the observer, as it requires a tight seal of mouth on vajayjay and much more sucking than licking. The dreadful, open-mouthed, tongue flicking you see on video is meant to expose the action to the camera, not to be copied at home. The mark of good cunnilingual technique is an upper lip hooked down over the clit hood, with all the important action going on out of sight underneath.

Cunnilingus is not something you do to your partner. It’s something the two of you do together, and that’s where we move beyond the realm of the purely mechanical. If your partner doesn’t communicate her desires, your powers lose their magic. A woman who actively participates in cunni will get a lot more out of it than one who lies back passively. Direct instructions such as ‘a little more to the left’ or ‘ouch, too hard!!’ and the time-honored face-grinding/hair-and-ear-pulling method of signaling for more or less of whatever you’re doing are helpful, but the most important means of communications are subtle and intimate. Tell your partner to squeeze her vajay whenever she’d like to yell, yelp, scream, beg, plead, or whimper. How and when she tightens and relaxes her pelvic muscles, rocks her hips, and arches her back speak directly to your mouth. I’ve found that too much screaming or trashing can be a way of hiding the fact that somebody’s not really present or having a good time.

**Aside: Bare skin transmits sensation more effectively and subtly than fuzzy flesh, so shaving the outer lips is an easy way to enhance the pleasure of oral sex. I’m aware that the ‘hair-versus-bare’ debate has passionate partisans on both sides and that personal fetishes and political convictions complicate the question. Certainly, this is a matter of individual discretion, and suggestions from lovers are best couched in the most diplomatic language possible. But my own politics in this regard are purely hedonistic.**

Here’s my simplest and best universal approach to cunnilingus under the widest variety of circumstances: when in doubt, apply pressure and leave it to her to supply the movement.

Fortunately, there is other advice for do-it-yourselves. I’ve always been fascinated by vajayjays, starting with my own, and I’ve learned to make friends with different kinds of them. So can you. Let’s earn you your diving certificate. (see upcoming post!)

Swallow or Spit? Oral Sex and STDs, because you should already know

October 7, 2008

If you’re reading this, GOOD FOR YOU.

Herpes is probably the biggest STD risk during oral sex. Both strains of herpes can live in the mouth or the genitals, and particularly during outbreaks (cold sores, herpes lesions) can be passed from one place to the other.
Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect your throat. You can also get serious eye infections.
HIV; less likely than during unprotected penetrative sex.  The infected semen/precum or vaginal fluid must enter the body through a cut or sore in the mouth or esophagus. Any open sores, cold sores, etc. can be a route by which the virus or bacteria can enter the bloodstream and infect. Males; for the insertive partner there is a theoretical risk of infection because infected blood from a partner’s bleeding gums or an open sore could come in contact with a scratch, cut, or sore on the penis.
HPV can be passed during oral sex, but it is rare. HPV has been found on vocal chords.
Syphilis can be passed similar to HIV.
Hepatitis A is a risk particularly in oral-anal sex. Get a Hep A vaccine.

Reducing Risks: Your goals: 1)limit exposure to sexual fluids 2)ensure that no cuts or lesions are present in mouth or on genitals.

Use the classic male condom, dental dams for oral-vaginal/oral-anal sex. Alternatively cut an unrolled condom to the tip and use it as a latex barrier. PS: spermicide KILLS taste buds.
so, Spit or swallow? Did you just not understand the whole article? That said, if you find yourself having unprotected oral sex, it’s the fluids that carry the STD, and you want to limit contact with any possible lesion. So the conventional wisdom (if you were wise enough to find yourself in this situation) is, “swallow or spit, just don’t let it sit.” 

The Grand Slam
: Enjoy oral sex, get regular check-ups. A good check-up includes throat testing for gonorrhea, rectal testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia, urine testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia and blood tests for herpes, syphilis and HIV.


Finally, between you and I, I’ll admit that there are sexier things than giving oral sex to a condom. But it is my personal opinion that if I am to have casual sex, I’ll protect myself as if anyone I sleep with has an STD. And try unrolling a condom onto a penis with your mouth (somehow find a way to practice if you care what the owner thinks). It can be damn sexy, someone told me.

Q & A Quickie Crash Course

September 14, 2008

Q.Can you really tell how big a guy is by the size of his hands or feet?

A. No


Q. Should I be worried that my partner’s penis curves to one side when erect?

A. some congenital curvature is normal (although puzzling, I personally find) However, if it hurts him, he may have Peyronie’s disease known colloquially as “bent nail syndrome” and should consult a doctor. The underlying cause of is thought to be trauma or injury to the penis usually through sexual activity


Q. Can you pass a yeast infection to your partner?

A. Yes


Q. Can you pass on/get infected with an STD as a result of kissing?
A. No, you cannot pass on or become infected with an STD as a result of kissing. However, you could pass on a cold sore (herpes simplex, HSV1) to your partner through kissing.


Q. What can worsen vaginal dryness?

A. decongestants, anti-histamines (like Claritin, Reactin), low estrogen level.


Q. Are condoms still effective underwater?

A. companies do not test their products underwater, so there’s no assurance they’ll hold up.


Q. What if he doesn’t like the taste down there?

A. foods like garlic and asparagus might make you slightly more pungent. Fruits like pineapple may sweeten you up.


Q. Is there such a thing as blue balls?

A. prolonged frustrated erections can cause discomfort in the testicles and perineum… but not pain.


Q. Should a guy take Viagra if he doesn’t need to?

A. the long-term effects are not fully known, but psychological dependence is a more than  possible outcome.


Q. A guy can have an orgasm without ejaculating. T or F?

A.  T.

Head Classes?

March 9, 2008
Personally, I love to cook. I also enjoy eating. But the best part is seeing someone else enjoy what you prepared for them. In my opinion, there are only a few things more attractive then seeing someone (both sexes) delectate in food; a girl biting a sandwich, eating with a healthy appetite. Salads? Only to open appetite. I do the cooking for myself, but most of all for others.

Why there should be head classes.
Blowjobs are automatically female task (in heterosexual encounters) as much as cooking was in the 40s. However, it does not mean it diminishes female status. It gives them power. Hold back food from your guy and see what he’ll do for you. Hold back head from your guy and see what he’ll do for you. And then offer Great Head or serve Delicious Meatball spaghetti, and see where it brings you. I know my Canard aux Olives got me out of the kitchen many times.

So why not learn to do it well. I personally hate it when people fake that they like a present, or pretend to enjoy your overcooked pasta… and I do think that most polite guys would pretend the blowjob is good if you’re really into it (and maybe that’s the problem). Some people are born with a talent, and others, well, don’t own restaurants and have to learn. Yeah there’s blowjob, like there’s spaghetti. But there is also MindBlowing blowjobs as much as there is Grandma’s Authentic spaghetti sauce. And don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that Grandma’s sauce is exclusive (hehe) and can’t be shared and taught.

10 females students and one teacher, plus lucky *volunteers* to work on. I don’t know who I would trust to teach me head, but all I know is that the volunteers’ advice will be valuable – once they get back their ability to speak. I am well aware that this sounds like a really bad porn scenario, sorry.

Why this is not denigrating
– I’m not saying every guy deserves great head. I’m not saying guys should not also be experts at cooking/oral sex. Knowing how to cook does not mean you have to cook everyday. And chefs go to the restaurant too…
-Exactly like for the choice of a partner, I think we should never settle down for less than the best.
-Just the satisfaction of knowing you cook like a chef is enough, even without lucky people to try out your tasty dishes.
-I really think you do it for yourself (don’t call me narcissistic!), and you are very generous at the same time.
-Where it gets you is usually far from denigrating.

Anyway… Hard Penises without head don’t exactly overpopulate someone’s (aka… a good friend of mine’s) bedroom these days.