Posts Tagged ‘sudoku’

On promiscuity … and Sudoku

March 14, 2007

Trying a new Sudoku puzzle is like sleeping with a new partner. Every person is a puzzle, and every puzzle is different. For me, the fun part, the challenge, is the exploration of a new puzzle. I love trying to figure out what makes each and every person sexually tick. And even if I don’t figure out the puzzle completely, that’s okay. I don’t feel “robbed” and I’ve learned to not take it personally; I gave it my best shot and above all, I had a great and fun learning experience. Besides, there’s nothing that absolutely guarantees that I can’t try the puzzle again a week later.

I love learning, and therefore by extension, I love sleeping with different people. I’ve often wondered where I got this casual attitude about sex from. It certainly wasn’t something that was instilled in me when I was young.

I grew up in a rather average suburban family. I was raised mostly by my mother alone. She wasn’t a stereotypical Chinese mom, but still, sex, having sex, and talking about it was quite taboo in my family, until very recently. I went to a typical high school. Maybe it was a little more artsy and liberal than most, but it certainly wasn’t the Gomorrah of Fred Phelps’ nightmares either.

The first time I had sex was exciting and funny and awkward and cute and fun … but it was not serious. I wasn’t in love with or even loved the guy. We had sex because it just felt right at the time: We enjoyed each other’s company, had chemistry, and were eager to explore each other more.

I don’t quite know when, why, or how my outlook on sex changed. I just know that one day, I realized that I no longer saw it as a purely emotional act between two people sharing a deep connection. The somewhat Disney-fied idea of sex – that sex was only for someone you thought was The One – no longer appealed to me. Instead, I saw sex as simply being great as a source of sheer, mindless, fun. Casual (safe) sex was not something to be frowned upon; in fact, it made perfect and logical sense!

Such is the mindset I generally bring with me to any new sexual encounter: If we’re attracted to each other, if we click, if it doesn’t hurt anyone, then why not do it? If it goes over well, then why not do it again two days or two weeks later? If it didn’t work, well, that’s okay too. We can let it go and stay friends only, or even stay as strangers.

Does all this make me promiscuous? Probably. I’m still young and discovering myself, but I feel no shame in admitting that I may very well be sexually promiscuous. According to’s primary definition, I am merely “having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis”. That’s not such a bad thing, if everyone’s getting off and no one’s getting hurt, right?

There are some people who see promiscuity as a completely negative characteristic. No doubt, my actions would be looked down upon. But after a lot of contemplation, I’ve come to realize that I really don’t care.

It’s their prerogative to believe what they want, but I know myself. I know that being sexual is not synonymous with being depraved, perverted, stupid, lonely, or lazy. More importantly, I know that I am not depraved, perverted, stupid, lonely, or lazy. And the people I care about, the people who know me, are aware of that as well.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a new Sudoku puzzle I’d like to try tackling.

– Yun