Posts Tagged ‘sex’

No more porn for Australia?

October 26, 2008

“Senator Conroy has since indicated that there would be a two-tier system: a mandatory one that would block all “illegal material” and an optional tier that would block material deemed unsuitable for children, such as pornography. ”



When Markets Fall, So Do the Big Swinging Dicks

October 19, 2008

A blow-by-blow guide to the four stages of market-related sexual dysfunction.

Decades ago, during the era of takeover kings and junk bond traders—long before the tech boom, the hedge fund boom, and the private equity boom—Michael Lewis’s 1989 classic, Liar’s Poker, labeled Wall Street stars the “Big Swinging Dicks.” The common if optimistic assumption has always been that these guys perform aggressively in the bedroom, too. Remember Dennis Kozlowski’s babe-shaped birthday cake, with sparklers for breasts?

Whenever times are good, few people stop to wonder whether the converse might also be true: BSDs—or Masters of the Universe, or whatever they are calling themselves now—get less virile when the market crashes.

Most of the information on this topic is anecdotal, if consistent: bad economic times pretty much guarantee bad sex. But with every crash the debate on recession sex reemerges. Earlier this week, Bonnie Fuller sent out a well-circulated questionnaire asking her contacts about their post-crash sex lives. Gawker has laid out a theory on the 5 types of recession sex, as told through craigslist. And numerous bloggers are espousing their own theories.

Now, it’s our turn to weigh in. The Daily Beast’s news shrink, clinical psychologist Stephen Josephson, says sexual performance and the stock market are often closely related. He recently saw a man who ran a trading desk and complained of “inconsistent erectile difficulties.” He was, says Josephson, “a handsome big guy, sleeping with hotties.” Further investigation revealed that the client couldn’t separate his work from his play. “I had him chart how much money he made each day to his sexual performance,” Josephson says. “When the market went up, so did he.” In fact, the stages of market related sexual dysfunction (Let’s call it MRSD) can be tracked, just like the market itself.

Stage 1: Volatility.

You might think that people under a lot of pressure might have a lot of sex, and you would be right. Initially. Pressure is an aphrodisiac, as long as it doesn’t continue for too long. People had sex in bomb shelters during WW II for instance, and there was that baby boom after 9-11. But during the Great Depression birth rates fell.

As Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Seattle-based author of Prime: Advice and Adventures on Sex, Love and the Sensuous Years explains, in the face of imminent death, people go at it thinking, “This may be the last time we make love.” But, she notes, that’s different from the slow-motion worry of “not being able to make your minimum payment or being foreclosed upon.”

Stage 2: Decline.

Sexual desire and anxiety are inversely proportional. The wife of one Wall Street player, who wishes to remain anonymous, told me that her husband rose at 5 a.m. to check on trading in Japan, only to find that it was National Fitness Day, and the market was closed. That didn’t help.

And as the bank account shrinks, the second-guessing begins, accompanied by intensifying cycles of doubt, fear and self-loathing. Significant others get snippy, asking why the 401-K wasn’t diversified and all the private school tuition money went to a personal trainer. One investment banker joked darkly that this market crash “is worse than a divorce: I lost half my wealth but I’m still married to my wife.”

Infidelity can increase during this period—strip clubs, prostitutes, one-night stands, anyone who isn’t a critical or anxious spouse. Elaine Calaway, a Houston psychologist who works with the well-heeled explains: “When finances are pinched, wealthy men feel super vulnerable with a wife or partner. Having a side-treat props them up, feeds that need to feel powerful and virile.”

Alas, the mistresses who are attracted to moneyed men aren’t very interested in hanging around once the money disappears, and the ones who do are put on short rations, one wife of a Texas oilman says. In turn, they are cutting back, too: way fewer triple process blondes, no more hair extensions, and they’ve put their Hermes bags on eBay.

Stage 3: Depression.

This is the period when, as Houston psychologist Andrew Gol explains, “Sex goes out the window.” Too many negative thoughts are death for the libido. Viagra, which needs the trigger of desire to send blood flow to the sexual organs, isn’t much help, if any. Heavy drinking, which might have lead to more illicit sex in earlier stages of financial distress, doesn’t help either, when things get really tough. “It makes it worse,” the sex deprived wife of one trader told me.

Stage 4: Rally.

In this phase, people will come to understand that money won’t make them happier, and they learn to enjoy life’s simpler pleasures. “America’s Sex Therapist” Ian Kerner showed that flag recently on MSNBC: “As we struggle to save our dollars, we allow the currency of our communication to become devalued by stress, anxiety and fear. It’s not just the state of the union we need to be worrying about, but also the state of our unions. So why not go home tonight and have some good old-fashioned sex?”

No word yet on what kind of bailout will be required to put that plan into effect.
by Mimi Swartz

Where did you learn about sex?

June 29, 2008

When I was in grade 3 or 4 I remember a friend of mine coming over and we were playing with Barbie’s. Ken and Barbie got all dressed up for their date just about to step into their pink convertable, when my friend stopped and told me all about the birds and the bees. I blushed and went back to playing with Barbie’s without letting on I was impressed with her adult like knowledge.

When/how did you learn about sex?

Asexually confused?

May 5, 2008

We live in a world where there is such a flood of labels that have migrated to the bedroom. Metrosexual, asexual, bi-curious, bi, homosexual, heterosexual, promiscuous… hell I’ve even heard someone call themselves heteroflexible.

In the past year one of my dearest Montreal friends started to make jokes about how I was asexual. She did this because I had not been pursuing any guys in a long time. I just laughed and thought it was ridiculous. A month later I found out some more friends thought I was asexual. Which got me thinking – what is asexuality?

According to Wiki the definition of Asexuality is a sexual orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction.

I never really thought about asexuality until it was brought to my attention. What gives people the impression that someone is asexual? Granted I am not always searching for sex and currently single but does that make me a case study for asexuality? I am sexually attracted to many guys, however I don’t feel the need to act on it in every circumstance. Is this why people assume my sexual orientation ? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think asexual is a horrible thing. I really don’t care about other peoples sexuality. I just never considered myself classified as asexual until people started to mention it to me.

Wikipedia claims that “many asexuals do have sex” and “An asexual person may have a latent sexuality that will be awakened by a suitable romantic or sexual partner. This is commonly phrased as “not having met the right person””. When did someone looking for the right person who they are sexually attracted to have its own label? So what happens when they meet the right person? Are they no longer asexual?

We sleep around to much we are considered promiscuous…. we look for the right person to have sex with that really turns us on and we are considered asexual? What ever happen to the label of just being ‘single’. Why can’t we just enjoy our single lives with out people giving us labels trying to explain our behaviors for wanting a single life. I am convinced these terms are made up by people in normal sexual relationships where doing it from behind is ‘wild’ in their books. People who can’t understand how someone lives their lives with out the routine of a relationship.

Asexual or not I will just stick to my heterosexual single label. Its a good life. I am usually single because I want to be and enjoy the easiness of it all. I am a relationship masochist so being single is just a much more drama free pleasant lifestyle… This doesn’t mean the idea of a sexual partner is not always in the back of my mind.

Lets get intimate v.03

January 17, 2008

Whats your fantasy?

fan·ta·sy [fan-tuh-see, -zee] –noun

1. imagination, esp. when extravagant and unrestrained.
2. the forming of mental images, esp. wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.


Handcuffs? Dominatrix? School girl?
The list goes on! Tell me your fantasies!

Sex Vocab!

January 4, 2008

Some of you might have heard these terms before, some from my own mouth. If you haven’t, spread them like STI’s.

Peen – Penis
Vag –
Jilling it –
The feminine of jacking off. Also, looking at your right hand, it spells the word, JIll.
Grower or show-er – If a man’s peen is very small but then grows a lot during excitation, he’s a grower, otherwise he’s a show-er. Basically, you get what you see.
Cleaning someone’s room – Having sex with someone
Sweater – A very hairy torso. This one was often used when I worked in a resort in Cancun to describe certain guests. Hey Sweater!
Bic-it – To shave body parts using a razor.
Vagina boogers – Do I really have to explain this one? An ex lover used it while talking about a girl he knew: “I couldn’t go down on her she had vagina boogers!”.
Nintendo week – When a girl is on her period, she’s on Nintendo week. First coined by NB punk band, Romeo Retarded. Basically, her partner plays Nintendo instead of making love to her.
Rando – A random person, a stranger.
Beej – Blowjob
Heej – Handjob
To joff or joffing – Jacking off. This one I first heard from my pal in Toronto.
Dills – Testicules, also from my pal.
S my d – For men that are somewhat shy.
Pocket bf – A cute boy under 5’7. For a girl to be a pocket gf, she should be less than 5’3.

These next ones are from my friend Mike from the band Risky Business, he’s always had a rather colourful way of describing sex:

Shwing shwong Penis
Bajingo – Vagina
Railed Fucked
Tagged – Fucked
Stick your wiener in her vageener – Self explanatory

Other contributers added:

Stink ditch ie; Tongue plowing the stink ditch.
Baby chowder – ie; The end product of romping in bed
Cumishment – Punishment involving cum?

Do you have any interesting expressions you wish to share? Let us know, comment below!

January 3, 2008

lets get intimate

question of the week

Have you ever broken a penis or have had your penis broken?

Tell me your broken penis stories! What happened? How did it happen?



Jay’s History of Sex – Part I

January 27, 2007

Sex in Antiquity No one can say with certainty just when people started having sex, but it stands to reason that it must have been quite early-on. A more interesting question might be, ‘when did we start jerking-off?’ To answer that question, one need look no further than the woman who first discovered that she didn’t need to have sex every time her partner grew a stiff one.
Little is known of this important historical figure; her name might have been Eve, or possibly Lilith. This Eve or Lilith (Lil Eve?) appears to have been the first woman to discover that withholding sex from her partner could be a useful and productive tactic. Scholarly sources suggest that it is here, in ancient antiquity, that the term ‘pussy-power’ finds its origins. According to the same sources, the first act of this original ‘liberated woman’ was to demand that her mate, before he could go anywhere near her ass, “Go and pick me one of them apples!”
Of course, upon passing her the apple, he proceeded to flip her over and ‘give her the banana’ as a bonus. Nevertheless, Lil’ Eve’s experiment constituted a roaring success for womankind; gender relations would never be the same.

Further Along in Antiquity It wasn’t long before men realized that, if they were going to get any pussy at all, they were going to have to work for it. Suddenly, with everyone ‘working for it’, a sort of competition-based culture began to emerge. For more information on this ‘competitive sexuality’, look for my forthcoming article, ‘Jay’s History of Warfare’.
It wasn’t all about fighting for it, though. Men quickly understood that being the last man standing (“If I were the last man on earth and you were the last woman, then would you…?”) wasn’t the only pre-requisite to getting laid. He learned that, while ‘getting some’ was one thing, ‘getting more’ posed greater challenges. For example, if his performance was lacking, not only would his woman refuse to fuck him, but she would invariably tell her friends about his sexual ineptness, thereby hurting his chances at getting laid outside his cave or hovel.
This ‘kiss and tell’ strategy employed by the industrious women of antiquity gave rise to many new challenges for sexually inept men. Eventually, these challenges birthed a whole new way of life. For more information on these unfortunate souls, see my forthcoming article called “The History of the Nomadic Tribes.” It is a harrowing tale of lackluster sex, boredom and anguish; don’t miss it!
Luckily, not all men were as quick to despair as were the ‘nomads’. In fact, a large number of men decided that they should instead stick it out and adapt to the new sexual climate. This resulted in the birth of two new great movements: ‘The Search for the Female Orgasm’ and ‘The Golden Age of Homosexuality’. Stay tuned for more exciting history…

© 2007 Jay M. Smith