Enthusiasm more important than technique? Cunnilingus : Working Under the Hood

Whatever your excuses or hesitations when it comes to putting your face between a woman’s legs, now’s the time to get over them. If you think that pussy is somehow ‘dirty’, know that a freshly washed vulva is considerably cleaner than a human mouth, so if you’re willing to kiss, you should have no problem with applying your lingual skills farther south.

While porn has become a de facto form of sex instruction in a society that does a poor job of conveying technical specifics by other means, some of what it teaches is just plain wrong and needs to be unlearned by anyone wishing to please a fellow human, as opposed to emulating the formulaic acts of professional performers. Good cunnilingus is all but invisible to the observer, as it requires a tight seal of mouth on vajayjay and much more sucking than licking. The dreadful, open-mouthed, tongue flicking you see on video is meant to expose the action to the camera, not to be copied at home. The mark of good cunnilingual technique is an upper lip hooked down over the clit hood, with all the important action going on out of sight underneath.

Cunnilingus is not something you do to your partner. It’s something the two of you do together, and that’s where we move beyond the realm of the purely mechanical. If your partner doesn’t communicate her desires, your powers lose their magic. A woman who actively participates in cunni will get a lot more out of it than one who lies back passively. Direct instructions such as ‘a little more to the left’ or ‘ouch, too hard!!’ and the time-honored face-grinding/hair-and-ear-pulling method of signaling for more or less of whatever you’re doing are helpful, but the most important means of communications are subtle and intimate. Tell your partner to squeeze her vajay whenever she’d like to yell, yelp, scream, beg, plead, or whimper. How and when she tightens and relaxes her pelvic muscles, rocks her hips, and arches her back speak directly to your mouth. I’ve found that too much screaming or trashing can be a way of hiding the fact that somebody’s not really present or having a good time.

**Aside: Bare skin transmits sensation more effectively and subtly than fuzzy flesh, so shaving the outer lips is an easy way to enhance the pleasure of oral sex. I’m aware that the ‘hair-versus-bare’ debate has passionate partisans on both sides and that personal fetishes and political convictions complicate the question. Certainly, this is a matter of individual discretion, and suggestions from lovers are best couched in the most diplomatic language possible. But my own politics in this regard are purely hedonistic.**

Here’s my simplest and best universal approach to cunnilingus under the widest variety of circumstances: when in doubt, apply pressure and leave it to her to supply the movement.

Fortunately, there is other advice for do-it-yourselves. I’ve always been fascinated by vajayjays, starting with my own, and I’ve learned to make friends with different kinds of them. So can you. Let’s earn you your diving certificate. (see upcoming post!)

Tags: cunnilingus, oral sex