Archive for the ‘tips’ Category

Cunnilingus- Inventory of Parts : They All Work

December 1, 2008

applesin22

– you should read the previous post before diving into this more technical second part –

As happens with manual stimulation, the most common mistake of the eager novice is to focus too narrowly on what is assumed to be the most important piece of real estate. Every square millimeter of a woman’s sexual anatomy is capable of responding to oral stimulation and will do so reliably if given half a chance. Going straight for the clit and licking, flicking, sucking, and slurping madly away at it is much more apt to produce irritation, both physical and emotional, than satisfaction. Let’s start by reconnoitering the entire terrain, up close and personal.

Five basic components that respond to oral stimulation: labia, clit, vestibule, fourchette (where lips meet, near anus) and surrounding musculature, and vagina. Lips like to be pinched between the teeth and pulled, or sucked firmly. In addition to suction, clits take to being squeezed being the teeth. Be sure to keep the hood in place and gently scrape the shaft and gland with the edges of your teeth. Like the cut edge of an exposed cable, there are 8000 nerve ending in a clit, so the SLOW, gentle drag of a sharp, wet tooth edge is exquisitely intense. Covering your uppers with a hooked lip is never a bad idea. The vestibule, being the most sensitive part, needs gentle, moist contact. When taking a mouthful, your tongue will naturally rest there. Grasp the clitoris between your upper teeth and tongue and gently nod your head, subtly stimulating the vestibule with each movement.  The fourchette responds well to licking and the contact of your face pressed against it, stimulating the important muscles of the pelvic floor. Your tongue won’t reach very far into the vagina, and it doesn’t have to. As you press your face to the fourchette, your tongue will penetrate just far enough to stimulate the nerves at the entrance. Wide, circular, lapping motions with a flat tongue feel good there too.

Start with just your hands, massaging partner’s fourchette, and the muscles around it until she’s fully relaxed and starting to move her hips. Before seeking out all hidden treasures, begin by taking the entire vulva into your mouth in a slow, powerful, sucking embrace with lips and tongue and working all that sensitive tissue around in leisurely swirls. You’ll quickly discover, as with ikea furniture, that no extra parts are included in the package; everything serves a purpose. Likewise, your own inventory includes more than one relevant subassembly. Mouths work best in concert with hands, and tongues can’t do their best work without the support of knowing lips and teeth.

If the intended mood is playful and teasing, spend time massaging and manipulating the labia, clitoral hood, and the muscles surrounding the vaginal opening until she’s pulling at your hair or other variations (really bucking her hips, etc) demonstrating her urgent need. Do things to her outer labia that men like having done to their scrotums: pulling, pinching, twisting, stretching, and tugging. Stretch her flesh slowly and firmly.

Put an arm around her hip with your hand resting on her stomach, or reach up and grab a breast or her hand. The secret is to stick with any one move until you feel a response from her before making the next one.

As the heat rises, place your upper jaw across her pubic bone at the base of the clit and lower jaw over the introitus (vaginal opening). Rest the entire weight of your head on her mound and nuzzle slowly, applying the gentlest of suction, perhaps combined with the smallest of nodding motions. Breathing in, pull the vulva into mouth, releasing it as exhaling. Continue until she breathes with you.

Something else that works well is to place your lower teeth at the base of the clit and, with your upper teeth, bite the flesh above her vulva as you move your chin toward her belly button an inch or two. This stretches the clit, and should feel fantastic.

All it comes down to is that cunnilingus is not a competitive sport- it has no single goal but rather a multiplicity of purposes. For some, it leads to orgasms as nothing else can. For others, it’s a vital element of foreplay, without which penetrative intercourse is essentially a labor of love. Some men are highly aroused by the intimate contact of mouth on vulva. Others practice cunnilingus as a form of worship, meant to convey a strong desire to please and appreciation of the opportunity to do so. But keep in mind that you don’t ‘give’ your partner orgasms; you can only offer assistance through your attention to her desires. At its best, it should be easy, mutual pleasure. The exact form that pleasure takes is a discovery you’ll make along the way.

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Enthusiasm more important than technique? Cunnilingus : Working Under the Hood

November 24, 2008

Whatever your excuses or hesitations when it comes to putting your face between a woman’s legs, now’s the time to get over them. If you think that pussy is somehow ‘dirty’, know that a freshly washed vulva is considerably cleaner than a human mouth, so if you’re willing to kiss, you should have no problem with applying your lingual skills farther south.

teacher3While porn has become a de facto form of sex instruction in a society that does a poor job of conveying technical specifics by other means, some of what it teaches is just plain wrong and needs to be unlearned by anyone wishing to please a fellow human, as opposed to emulating the formulaic acts of professional performers. Good cunnilingus is all but invisible to the observer, as it requires a tight seal of mouth on vajayjay and much more sucking than licking. The dreadful, open-mouthed, tongue flicking you see on video is meant to expose the action to the camera, not to be copied at home. The mark of good cunnilingual technique is an upper lip hooked down over the clit hood, with all the important action going on out of sight underneath.

Cunnilingus is not something you do to your partner. It’s something the two of you do together, and that’s where we move beyond the realm of the purely mechanical. If your partner doesn’t communicate her desires, your powers lose their magic. A woman who actively participates in cunni will get a lot more out of it than one who lies back passively. Direct instructions such as ‘a little more to the left’ or ‘ouch, too hard!!’ and the time-honored face-grinding/hair-and-ear-pulling method of signaling for more or less of whatever you’re doing are helpful, but the most important means of communications are subtle and intimate. Tell your partner to squeeze her vajay whenever she’d like to yell, yelp, scream, beg, plead, or whimper. How and when she tightens and relaxes her pelvic muscles, rocks her hips, and arches her back speak directly to your mouth. I’ve found that too much screaming or trashing can be a way of hiding the fact that somebody’s not really present or having a good time.

**Aside: Bare skin transmits sensation more effectively and subtly than fuzzy flesh, so shaving the outer lips is an easy way to enhance the pleasure of oral sex. I’m aware that the ‘hair-versus-bare’ debate has passionate partisans on both sides and that personal fetishes and political convictions complicate the question. Certainly, this is a matter of individual discretion, and suggestions from lovers are best couched in the most diplomatic language possible. But my own politics in this regard are purely hedonistic.**

Here’s my simplest and best universal approach to cunnilingus under the widest variety of circumstances: when in doubt, apply pressure and leave it to her to supply the movement.

Fortunately, there is other advice for do-it-yourselves. I’ve always been fascinated by vajayjays, starting with my own, and I’ve learned to make friends with different kinds of them. So can you. Let’s earn you your diving certificate. (see upcoming post!)

Fifth Base: Why, and Why Not?

November 8, 2008

Anal Sex: so shouldn’t your only motivation be hedonistic, as all in life, since it feels good and doesn’t hurt anyone? (or does it?) Why aren’t we all doing it then? Here are some typical knee-jerk (or sphincter-clench) stereotypes about anal sex.

Stereotype #1: Anal Sex is Dirty
Since solid waste is eliminated from the body via the anus, many believe that butts are ”dirty” by default. This seems logical, and people don’t often think to look beyond it. In fact, the anus and rectum are merely passageways for poop. As Tristan Taormino puts it, the rectum is not a storage facility. If you maintain a healthy diet, with plenty of fiber and water, your bowel movements will be regular and complete, and there will be little, if any, solid matter left at the business end of your guts most of the time. Bear in mind that anal sex and anal play of most kinds involve only (only?) the lower eight inches (I might be generous on the upper limit here) of your thirty-plus feet of intestinal plumbing, and keeping the relevant plumbing in good working order isn’t particularly difficult. All that’s needed for a butt to be play-clean is a little rinse with water and the use of a baby wipe or warm, soapy wash-cloth on the external sphincter. A freshly washed anus is just as clean as a patch of skin a few inches away on a butt cheek you wouldn’t hesitate to kiss. Like they teach in med school: there’s nothing that can’t be washed off. So relax, already.

Now, does this mean that there is no chance of a random encounter with some small quantity of fecal matter despite your best efforts? If you want to explore anal play and anal sex, you must get over your fear of shit. The most common bacterium it contains- E.Coli- can be hazardous to your health in the wrong place in the wrong amount, but some wouldn’t rate its toxicity anywhere near that of say, botulinum, which many pay to get injected into their foreheads. (Ever heard of Botox, anyone?)

Stereotype #2: Anal Sex is Unnatural
I’m never sure exactly what the word means in this context, since many higher mammals engage in anal sex, and humans have been doing it, literally, since before we began standing upright. How common a behavior must become to be considered ”natural” is difficult to quantify. I suppose that if you believe sex is mainly or only for procreation, then butt play or butt sex might be considered ”against nature” (though nature’s intent in making it so common and enjoyable would thus be a bit mysterious), but if you view sex primarily as a means of reproduction, I’m a little curious as to why you’re reading this blog in the first place.

Stereotype #3: Anal Sex is Immoral
At the risk of trespassing on the turf of those whose job it is to parse such imponderables, I believe that no consensual, mutually pleasurable activity should be forbidden between lovers. Labeling anal pleasure ”unnatural” is generally an attempt by social and religious institutions to keep you from trying it for yourself. I think you’re capable of making your own decision here, don’t you? This is your anus we’re talking about.

Stereotype #4: Homophobia
The notion that all receptive anal sex among men is proof positive of gay orientation is a myth of awesome power and reach. The social oppression surrounding it is so brutal that the vast majority of men of all orientations are denied this locus of pleasure altogether.

As any gay man can attest, liking butt play doesn’t make a man gay. Sexual orientation is a matter of partner preference, not behavior. If you, as a man, prefer to have sex with women, regardless of the specific activities involved, you are not gay, so there. However, if you are open to anal stimulation, you are an uninhibited sensualist and damn lucky. Unlike your insecure pals at the gym, you have access to additional sources of mind-blowing orgasms. Just remember that if you see a woman when you look back over your shoulder while it’s happening, you’re no less straight than you would have been had you entertained the fantasy and never acted on it.

Stereotype #5: Butt is ”exit only”
Anatomically speaking, colons are simply tubes, and tubes go both ways. When anal sex is practiced sensibly and safely, there is no anatomical factor that makes it inherently more difficult, dangerous or destructive to the human body than other forms of sex. The common fear that anal penetration will eventually lead to a permanent loosening of the sphincter (incontinence), hemorrhoids, or other irreversible damage has much more to do with what goes on in people’s heads than in regions farther south. Spincter muscles are naturally equipped to dilate and contract repeatedly and will continue to do so normally regardless of direction, if treated with reasonable care and consideration. Indeed, regular anal play both relaxes and strengthens internal muscle tissue and contributes to healthy bowel function.

__________________
Women can have a particularly hard time with the notion of anal sex because some think they’re supposed to be clean, delicate, dainty creatures made out of sugar and spice and everything nice, and our physiologies tend to be inconveniently messy as it is. Moreover, early anal experimentations are often initiated by men, who may not know much about the subject either; often with unpleasant results. One bad poke can put a woman off anal sex for years. (Or so I’ve heard). But it remains true that, in order to enjoy butt play, a woman has to jettison her notions of ”Propriety” and ”Ladylike” behavior, as there is little that is more primal than butt sex.

But saying no, with or without a valid reason, is always an option on your sexual menu. Don’t do it to please anyone. Don’t do it if you don’t want to. Don’t do it if it hurts. Butts can’t lie, so don’t do it to ”prove” anything to anyone, including yourself.

In an upcoming post: Is anal sex really No Pain All Gain? Answers to questions you would only dare ask online.

On another note:
anal
Tracey Emin: major art exhibition in London at one of the UK’s top galleries:”Seduced,” at the Barbican Gallery, is billed as the most sexually explicit fine-art exhibition ever staged. It attempts to show 2,500 years of sexuality in world art, and to explore how attitudes about what is erotic art and what is pornography have changed through the ages.

Back to Basics: Touch Me

November 7, 2008

You might be getting earth-shaking sex but some of us aren’t.

So you know that stage when you’re watching TV next to someone, but all you can think of is trying to guess what color is their underwear/ or if they’re even wearing any? Nope we’re not in grade 5. So I meant: You know when you pretend you’re watching TV next to someone, but all you can think of is how you’d like them to make you stand up from that lame couch, pin you to the wall and do you with half your clothes still on? Do you fantasize of how long the foreplay would last? I know I don’t. All it takes is some confident efficient touching.

Much of what I need to know about touching I first learned from my cat. Why a cat? Cats are beautiful, sensuous, and hedonistic, but what makes them so instructive is their utter lack of guilt. A cat won’t tolerate any form of displeasure in order to be ‘polite’. When I was younger, I wondered why I had trouble keeping a cat in my lap. Eventually I understood that my uncertainty was transmitted to the animal through my hands. It could tell if I was tuned into its wavelength or not and responded accordingly. Slow, deep massage elicited relaxation while petting; respectful and attentive touching and scratching would make the cat go belly up and purr. This is where I learned to put aside my ego when it came to giving pleasure to others. The cat didn’t care what I thought; it only knew what it felt. I had to learn to make my actions accurately reflect my intentions. That meant slowing down and letting go of goals and just enjoying the sensual pleasure of fur and purr on my lap.

Reflect your intentions
Human bodies are not fragile, and while a clumsy or rough touch can be downright repellent, a nervous or tentative touch sends a message of doubt and insecurity, which is equally off-putting. When you touch yourself during masturbation, you don’t worry about whether you’re doing it right or wrong; your body provides its own guidance. You do what comes naturally, and naturally you come. It is that same sense of easy and raw familiarity that you want your touch to convey to your partner.

ral012_sexy_hands_towel1I’m not your mom
You know when they say there are butt people and boob people? Well boob people: starting by touching and kissing/sucking breasts hesitantly is taking the road of no return that leads to… nowhere=the title of this paragraph. But I have yet to find a butt person that went wrong with their first touch. My personal fave: grab a butt cheek, slide your fingers to the place where the ass and leg meet, close in toward the anus, spread your fingers over a nice handful of flesh, and squeeze as you pull the cheek open. This teasingly stretches in a delicious manner. Then undress and do. Who needs massage/oral sex/toys anyway?

(that’s just a towel by the way!)

Medical Emergency: When Even Masturbation Goes Wrong

November 3, 2008

My friend was telling me that whenever he masturbates, he sometimes gets a headache at the back of his head, and his neck and shoulders hurt and he feels sick. After asking him why he still masturbates, and laughing at my own question, I looked it up and found this:

It sounds like he has an unfortunate case of coital cephalalgia — also known as effort migraine, or sexual headache. Extremely severe and sharp pain behind the eyes is also a symptom. The headaches usually have an immediate onset, with some gradually worsening during intercourse and others (referred to as “explosive headaches“) occurring almost instantaneously at the moment of orgasm. These headaches typically last for a few minutes to a few hours, although it is possible for such headaches to last up to a few days. It is most common for men to experience these headaches for the first time in their early 20s, or between the ages of 35-44; the reason for this is unclear.

More prevalent in men, by a ratio of 3:1, these headaches appear in roughly 1% of the population, though I would think the prevalence to be higher, due to the embarrassment of presenting with the disorder, especially in cases where spontaneous remission occurs after a few days. Up to 10% of patients taking medication for erectile dysfunction may experience these headaches. It’s important to see a doctor if you have such symptoms in order to rule out a potential brain aneurysm, or tumors. In most cases, these headaches are benign. More serious symptoms include a stiff neck, confusion, and dizziness.

As for treatment, the doctor may recommend abstaining from sexual activities and masturbation for a short period of time ranging from a few days to a few weeks. In addition, medications such as propanolol can be taken in advance of sexual activity to prevent such headaches. Losing weight to a more ideal level and increased exercise may also reduce the likelihood of recurrences.

So whatever the state of your sex life, you can take comfort that at least you don’t have this.

Kamasutra: Nine Types of Blows

November 1, 2008

Positions apart, the Kamasutra also recommends the innovative use of the penis during the act of making love; nine types of blows may be struck with the penis, but of these only the most natural- the gentle forward stroke- or Upasripta that is instinctive to even the most untutored man will result in clitoral stimulation.

The other eight are:

Manthana or Churning: Grasping the penis and moving it in circles inside the yoni (vagina)

Hula or Double-edged Knife: The penis is thrust sharply into the yoni.

Avarmardana or Rubbing: when the lady’s hips are raised by a pillow, and the man strikes a rising blow

Piditika or Pressing: if with breathlessness, the penis is pressed deep inside the womb

Piritak: hitting of groin with the genital organ. leads to tremendous excitement in both partners.

Nirghata or Buffet: withdrawing completely, if the womb is struck violently by the penis

Varahaghata or Boar’s Blow: the penis is continuously pressed on one side of the vagina

Vrishaghata or the Bull’s Blow: if the man thrusts wildly in every direction, like a bull tossing its horns

But hey, no need for men, we can do it on our own.

Of Biting: teachings of the Kamasutra

October 28, 2008

In my opinion, this is what separates men from boys.

Here’s some info from a translation of The Kamasutra of Vatsyayana that I brought back from India. Now this all sounds pretty technical, but imagine it as you read, as I do as I write. It’s genuine passion, taught at it’s best. There’s a reason why the teachings have been kept proudly for millenia.

The quality of good teeth are as follows: they should be equal, posessed of a pleasing brightness, capable of being coloured, of proper proportions, unbroken, and with sharp ends.

different kinds of biting:
– the hidden bite; is shown only by the excessive redness of the skin that is bitten
– the swollen bite; the skin is pressed down on both sides
– the point; a small portion of the skin is bitten with two teeth only
– the line of points; such small portions of the skin are bitten with all the teeth
– the ‘oral and jewel: ‘done by bringing together teeth (jewel) and lips (coral)
– the line of jewels; with all the teeth
– broken cloud ; unequal risings in a circle, and which comes from the space between the teeth. on the breasts
– biting of the boar; many broad rows of marks near to one another, and with red intervals. on the breasts and shoulders.

where?
Hidden bite, swollen point and the point are made on the lower lip. the swollen bite and the coral and the jewel bite are done on the cheek. line of points and line of jewels are to be impressed on the throat, the armpit and the joints of the thighs. the line of point alone is to be impressed on the forehead and the thighs.

Biting that has goal to increase passion should be done first, and that which is only for amusement or variety should be done afterwards.

Markings from biting or from nails illustrate an ornament of the forehead, an ear ornament, a bunch of flowers, a betel leaf or a tamala leaf, which are worn by the woman that is beloved, and are signs of the desire of enjoyment.

Now here’s my favorite verse, translated directly: ‘When a man bites a woman forcibly, she should angrily do the same to him with double force. Thus, a point should be returned with a line of points and a line of points should be returned with a broken cloud, and if she be excessively chafed, she should at once begin a love quarrel with him. at such a time she should take hold of her lover by the hair, and bend his head down, and kiss his lower lip, and then, being intoxicated with love, she should shut her eyes and bite him in various places. Even by day, and in place of public resort, when her lover shows her any mark that she may have inflicted on his body, she should smile at the sight of it, and turning her face as if she were going to chide him, she should show him with angry look the marks on her own body. Thus, if men and women act according to each other’s liking, their love for each other will not be lessened even in one hundred years.’

see, it’s more like a lifestyle

On Silent Pleasures

October 18, 2008

I bet that unconsciously, most of you judge your sexual performance by the moans that your partner makes.

 

I have a new tip for you. Actually I could write a Cosmo article out of it, it would be titled something lame like: How To Get As Many As You Want, When You Want. But since Cosmo cultivates the art of reducing women to horny lightheads and doesn’t do a good job at encouraging you to be a totally selfish bitch, I’ll post this on the blog.

 

It’s called the Silent Orgasm. Here’s a story. Once a girl was having a just-ok orgasm, and the girl caught herself moaning as if it was a more-than-ok orgasm. The partner then made a cocky grin, fell asleep and pulled out, I don’t remember in which order but it was all approximately simultaneous. Now, the girl never had to fake, but this falls pretty short.

 

Silent Orgasm… it’s pretty self-explanatory. Unless you have sex for your partner, you don’t want to vocalize like a pornstar, no matter how positively reinforcing it can get. Most of them don’t feel pleasure anyway. For the first few times, pull  and hold his head to you and focus on kissing when you feel your orgasm coming, all throughout. You’ve probably conditioned yourself to praise/ moan/ sigh heavily, so occupying your mouth will keep you from that.  It’s innate and sinfully selfish. He’ll eagerly continue trying to get his magic going, while you bite your lower lip, your arms push heavily on the matress. And he’ll go on some more while you’re mentally grinning. They’re all about performance. And we are too.

 

Don’t get addicted though, it’s hard to go back to being considerate to the partner’s feelings/ego. Ultimately, the goal is to unlearn whatever habit you unconsciously internalized by ever seeing sex on TV/internet.

 

Or listen to each other’s breathing/panting, as much as that tip belongs in Cosmo.

Dry Orgasms; or the Art of Male Multiple Orgasms

October 15, 2008

From my previous Q & A Quickie Crash Course,

Q. A guy can have an orgasm without ejaculating. T or F?

A.  T.

 

Uh huh, without ejaculating/faking. How?

Dry orgasms can be caused by:
– Retrograde ejaculation; when semen is forced back into the bladder. Can be caused by diabetes, damage or injury to the prostate (prostatectomy or medication used to treat enlarged prostate.)
– Cystectomy (Surgical removal of the bladder)
-Radiation therapy directed at the pelvic area, such as for prostate cancer.
In those cases, infertility might be an issue.

Now, the explanation for the healthy is that orgasm and ejaculation are sometimes desynchronized. For example, conversely, ejaculatory anhedonia is when you ejaculate physically but do not have the accompanying feelings of release, pleasure, or orgasm. You could call it an “anorgasmic ejaculation”

Orgasms without ejaculating are you’re ultimate goal- no matter how satisfied you are with your average-male-single-average-orgasm.

Thus the process of learning multiple orgasms for men is through challenging beliefs about male orgasm.  I’ll allow myself to politically incorrectly generalize that men are simple (simple, not simplistic) in that they are happy with what they have, relationship/sex- wise whereas people bitch that women are “complicated”- that’s because we consider alternatives (including headaches) to finally get the best. That’s why I’m taking the time to write this sh.. The point is; explore other better options, and you know your chauvinistic ego, and your partner, will thank you for it.

First, the art of flexing the pubococcygeal (PC) muscle during sex, but before the PNR/Point of No Return/ejaculation. Requires practice- a common exercise of the wise is to practice stopping urination midstream. You can strengthen the muscle overtime with repeated tightening and releasing exercises.

Cheesier tips; – tune into your breathing, and masturbate slowly (although it might beat the purpose). Ultimately, the goal is to discover the Point of No Return, get more of them, and delay them more. You risk nothing by trying, at worse, 1)you’ll continue having early boring single ejaculation and 2) you’ll be thinking about sex everytime you urinate. Anyways, isn’t that already the case?


*CAUTION*: NOT a reliable form of birth control

 
coming soon: the silent orgasm

Swallow or Spit? Oral Sex and STDs, because you should already know

October 7, 2008


If you’re reading this, GOOD FOR YOU.

Herpes is probably the biggest STD risk during oral sex. Both strains of herpes can live in the mouth or the genitals, and particularly during outbreaks (cold sores, herpes lesions) can be passed from one place to the other.
Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect your throat. You can also get serious eye infections.
HIV; less likely than during unprotected penetrative sex.  The infected semen/precum or vaginal fluid must enter the body through a cut or sore in the mouth or esophagus. Any open sores, cold sores, etc. can be a route by which the virus or bacteria can enter the bloodstream and infect. Males; for the insertive partner there is a theoretical risk of infection because infected blood from a partner’s bleeding gums or an open sore could come in contact with a scratch, cut, or sore on the penis.
HPV can be passed during oral sex, but it is rare. HPV has been found on vocal chords.
Syphilis can be passed similar to HIV.
Hepatitis A is a risk particularly in oral-anal sex. Get a Hep A vaccine.

Reducing Risks: Your goals: 1)limit exposure to sexual fluids 2)ensure that no cuts or lesions are present in mouth or on genitals.

Use the classic male condom, dental dams for oral-vaginal/oral-anal sex. Alternatively cut an unrolled condom to the tip and use it as a latex barrier. PS: spermicide KILLS taste buds.
so, Spit or swallow? Did you just not understand the whole article? That said, if you find yourself having unprotected oral sex, it’s the fluids that carry the STD, and you want to limit contact with any possible lesion. So the conventional wisdom (if you were wise enough to find yourself in this situation) is, “swallow or spit, just don’t let it sit.” 

The Grand Slam
: Enjoy oral sex, get regular check-ups. A good check-up includes throat testing for gonorrhea, rectal testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia, urine testing for gonorrhea and chlamydia and blood tests for herpes, syphilis and HIV.

***

Finally, between you and I, I’ll admit that there are sexier things than giving oral sex to a condom. But it is my personal opinion that if I am to have casual sex, I’ll protect myself as if anyone I sleep with has an STD. And try unrolling a condom onto a penis with your mouth (somehow find a way to practice if you care what the owner thinks). It can be damn sexy, someone told me.

Q & A Quickie Crash Course

September 14, 2008

Q.Can you really tell how big a guy is by the size of his hands or feet?

A. No

 

Q. Should I be worried that my partner’s penis curves to one side when erect?

A. some congenital curvature is normal (although puzzling, I personally find) However, if it hurts him, he may have Peyronie’s disease known colloquially as “bent nail syndrome” and should consult a doctor. The underlying cause of is thought to be trauma or injury to the penis usually through sexual activity

 

Q. Can you pass a yeast infection to your partner?

A. Yes

 

Q. Can you pass on/get infected with an STD as a result of kissing?
A. No, you cannot pass on or become infected with an STD as a result of kissing. However, you could pass on a cold sore (herpes simplex, HSV1) to your partner through kissing.

 

Q. What can worsen vaginal dryness?

A. decongestants, anti-histamines (like Claritin, Reactin), low estrogen level.

 

Q. Are condoms still effective underwater?

A. companies do not test their products underwater, so there’s no assurance they’ll hold up.

 

Q. What if he doesn’t like the taste down there?

A. foods like garlic and asparagus might make you slightly more pungent. Fruits like pineapple may sweeten you up.

 

Q. Is there such a thing as blue balls?

A. prolonged frustrated erections can cause discomfort in the testicles and perineum… but not pain.

 

Q. Should a guy take Viagra if he doesn’t need to?

A. the long-term effects are not fully known, but psychological dependence is a more than  possible outcome.

 

Q. A guy can have an orgasm without ejaculating. T or F?

A.  T.

Male Enhancement Procedures Part II

May 9, 2008

Pills
Contaminants found included mold, yeast, dangerous E. coli bacteria, pesticides, and lead. But then again, those contaminants are pretty much in everything that also does not make penises bigger. Remember, it’s not because a pill is labelled ‘natural’ that it means it’s safe. E. coli is natural.

Penis pump
A penis pump is a tube in which you put your penis, you then pump up a vacuum inside which makes blood flow into your penis. You then put on a penis ring so the blood will stay inside your penis. This will allow your erection to last while having sex.

Downsides: obviously not permanent, might get blisters on the penis (probably on your fingers too), damaged capillaries from overuse, temporary impotence. Oh yeah, and that’s not to make the penis bigger, it’s to make it actually stiff. It’s like Viagra, except it doesn’t work:

A study was published in the British Journal of Urology International in 2006: A group of men with small penises willing to use penis pumps three times a week, for twenty minutes each session, over a period of six months. A clinically tested vacuum erection device was used, not a sex shop product. At the end of the study there was an average increase of 0.3 centimeters, which is not statistically significant. But even though this average increase is minor, 30% said they were satisfied with the “treatment”.

Smart alternative
Trimming pubic hair will make the penis look bigger.

For overweight men, losing weight will have the same effect.

But it’s not just looks, it’s what’s on the inside that counts…

Male Enhancement Procedures Part I

May 6, 2008

Surgical Interventions

Length enhancement : division of the penile suspensory ligament.
According to the European Urology Journal, vol. 49 issue 4: ‘’The mean increase was 1.3 cm, ranging from −1 to +3cm, with the addition of a silicone spacer placed between the pubis and penis giving a better outcome. The overall patient satisfaction rate was 35%’’ Their conclusion being that this ‘may increase penile length but usually not to a degree that satisfies the patient. Men often have unrealistic expectations regarding the outcome of surgical intervention and should be encouraged to seek psychological help primarily, with surgery reserved as the last resort’.

Girth enlargement: tissue culture:

Alloderm is an acellular dermal matrix derived from donated human skin tissue supplied by tissue banks under the standards of the American Association of Tissue Banks (AATB). It leaves no residual foreign tissue around the penis after reabsorption by the body. The USA Food and Drug Administration (FDA) regulates its use and has nor approved AlloDerm as a “void filler” nor for “cosmetic augmentation”.Obviously, it’s not an obstacle for cosmetic surgeons to use it.

Downsides: effectively irreversible, may have side effects including loss of sensation, scarring, deformation AND inability to perform penetrative intercourse. But I’m sure you can still pee.

Details…

March 10, 2008
If you don’t want details, please don’t read this.

Let’s just say I really don’t need my condoms to be lubricated these days. And, like, it causes problems with my recent fucks. I guess I shouldn’t complain, usually women get the opposite. All I know is that I REALLY CANNOT picture myself old and dry.

Quoted advice from (un?)trustworthy website.
Anything that dries up the mouth. In general, if it dries the mouth, then it will also affect the vagina somewhat. Examples would be decongestants, antihistamines, cold formulas, certain antidepressants, alcohol, cigarettes, & marijuana. While these may work to some degree, wetness & corresponding tightness levels are not controllable, not to mention that a dry mouth is not as tasty during kissing & is more conductive to bad breath due to lack of saliva. (BAHAHAHA)

Use of a fan blowing on the genital area. Not a practical solution, as it primarily results in making the couple cold, while having little impact on internal vaginal secretions.
(Once again, BAHAHAHA)

Insert a sponge or cloth. One of the more embarrassing techniques as it must be done intermittently. Couples find this a big turn off. The technique though, is to wrap a thin sheet/towel around a couple of fingers. Insert the fingers to soak up vaginal wetness. Proceed with intercourse. Repeat as necessary. While this method does work, re-entry of vagina is difficult & painful because this method absorbs ALL the lubrication. Within a few minutes however, as arousal increases again, there will once again be too much wetness. With this method, there is no way of controlling the desired level of wetness & tightness.
(Ok I assure you, my despair level is like… below zero compared to these women)

Oh aaaaaand the website says that Whatever option I choose, I should look for a solution that is satisfactory for both partners. Finding the right level of lubrication can lead to more frequent sex, and a closer relationship between partners

It’s sexy time. NOT

Head Classes?

March 9, 2008
Personally, I love to cook. I also enjoy eating. But the best part is seeing someone else enjoy what you prepared for them. In my opinion, there are only a few things more attractive then seeing someone (both sexes) delectate in food; a girl biting a sandwich, eating with a healthy appetite. Salads? Only to open appetite. I do the cooking for myself, but most of all for others.

Why there should be head classes.
Blowjobs are automatically female task (in heterosexual encounters) as much as cooking was in the 40s. However, it does not mean it diminishes female status. It gives them power. Hold back food from your guy and see what he’ll do for you. Hold back head from your guy and see what he’ll do for you. And then offer Great Head or serve Delicious Meatball spaghetti, and see where it brings you. I know my Canard aux Olives got me out of the kitchen many times.

So why not learn to do it well. I personally hate it when people fake that they like a present, or pretend to enjoy your overcooked pasta… and I do think that most polite guys would pretend the blowjob is good if you’re really into it (and maybe that’s the problem). Some people are born with a talent, and others, well, don’t own restaurants and have to learn. Yeah there’s blowjob, like there’s spaghetti. But there is also MindBlowing blowjobs as much as there is Grandma’s Authentic spaghetti sauce. And don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that Grandma’s sauce is exclusive (hehe) and can’t be shared and taught.

Logistics
10 females students and one teacher, plus lucky *volunteers* to work on. I don’t know who I would trust to teach me head, but all I know is that the volunteers’ advice will be valuable – once they get back their ability to speak. I am well aware that this sounds like a really bad porn scenario, sorry.

Why this is not denigrating
– I’m not saying every guy deserves great head. I’m not saying guys should not also be experts at cooking/oral sex. Knowing how to cook does not mean you have to cook everyday. And chefs go to the restaurant too…
-Exactly like for the choice of a partner, I think we should never settle down for less than the best.
-Just the satisfaction of knowing you cook like a chef is enough, even without lucky people to try out your tasty dishes.
-I really think you do it for yourself (don’t call me narcissistic!), and you are very generous at the same time.
-Where it gets you is usually far from denigrating.

Anyway… Hard Penises without head don’t exactly overpopulate someone’s (aka… a good friend of mine’s) bedroom these days.