Back to Basics: Touch Me

You might be getting earth-shaking sex but some of us aren’t.

So you know that stage when you’re watching TV next to someone, but all you can think of is trying to guess what color is their underwear/ or if they’re even wearing any? Nope we’re not in grade 5. So I meant: You know when you pretend you’re watching TV next to someone, but all you can think of is how you’d like them to make you stand up from that lame couch, pin you to the wall and do you with half your clothes still on? Do you fantasize of how long the foreplay would last? I know I don’t. All it takes is some confident efficient touching.

Much of what I need to know about touching I first learned from my cat. Why a cat? Cats are beautiful, sensuous, and hedonistic, but what makes them so instructive is their utter lack of guilt. A cat won’t tolerate any form of displeasure in order to be ‘polite’. When I was younger, I wondered why I had trouble keeping a cat in my lap. Eventually I understood that my uncertainty was transmitted to the animal through my hands. It could tell if I was tuned into its wavelength or not and responded accordingly. Slow, deep massage elicited relaxation while petting; respectful and attentive touching and scratching would make the cat go belly up and purr. This is where I learned to put aside my ego when it came to giving pleasure to others. The cat didn’t care what I thought; it only knew what it felt. I had to learn to make my actions accurately reflect my intentions. That meant slowing down and letting go of goals and just enjoying the sensual pleasure of fur and purr on my lap.

Reflect your intentions
Human bodies are not fragile, and while a clumsy or rough touch can be downright repellent, a nervous or tentative touch sends a message of doubt and insecurity, which is equally off-putting. When you touch yourself during masturbation, you don’t worry about whether you’re doing it right or wrong; your body provides its own guidance. You do what comes naturally, and naturally you come. It is that same sense of easy and raw familiarity that you want your touch to convey to your partner.

I’m not your mom
You know when they say there are butt people and boob people? Well boob people: starting by touching and kissing/sucking breasts hesitantly is taking the road of no return that leads to… nowhere=the title of this paragraph. But I have yet to find a butt person that went wrong with their first touch. My personal fave: grab a butt cheek, slide your fingers to the place where the ass and leg meet, close in toward the anus, spread your fingers over a nice handful of flesh, and squeeze as you pull the cheek open. This teasingly stretches in a delicious manner. Then undress and do. Who needs massage/oral sex/toys anyway?

(that’s just a towel by the way!)

Tags: foreplay, touching