Asexually confused?


We live in a world where there is such a flood of labels that have migrated to the bedroom. Metrosexual, asexual, bi-curious, bi, homosexual, heterosexual, promiscuous… hell I’ve even heard someone call themselves heteroflexible.

In the past year one of my dearest Montreal friends started to make jokes about how I was asexual. She did this because I had not been pursuing any guys in a long time. I just laughed and thought it was ridiculous. A month later I found out some more friends thought I was asexual. Which got me thinking – what is asexuality?

According to Wiki the definition of Asexuality is a sexual orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction.

I never really thought about asexuality until it was brought to my attention. What gives people the impression that someone is asexual? Granted I am not always searching for sex and currently single but does that make me a case study for asexuality? I am sexually attracted to many guys, however I don’t feel the need to act on it in every circumstance. Is this why people assume my sexual orientation ? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think asexual is a horrible thing. I really don’t care about other peoples sexuality. I just never considered myself classified as asexual until people started to mention it to me.

Wikipedia claims that “many asexuals do have sex” and “An asexual person may have a latent sexuality that will be awakened by a suitable romantic or sexual partner. This is commonly phrased as “not having met the right person””. When did someone looking for the right person who they are sexually attracted to have its own label? So what happens when they meet the right person? Are they no longer asexual?

We sleep around to much we are considered promiscuous…. we look for the right person to have sex with that really turns us on and we are considered asexual? What ever happen to the label of just being ‘single’. Why can’t we just enjoy our single lives with out people giving us labels trying to explain our behaviors for wanting a single life. I am convinced these terms are made up by people in normal sexual relationships where doing it from behind is ‘wild’ in their books. People who can’t understand how someone lives their lives with out the routine of a relationship.

Asexual or not I will just stick to my heterosexual single label. Its a good life. I am usually single because I want to be and enjoy the easiness of it all. I am a relationship masochist so being single is just a much more drama free pleasant lifestyle… This doesn’t mean the idea of a sexual partner is not always in the back of my mind.


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5 Responses to “Asexually confused?”

  1. queerunity Says:

    you might be a hetero-romantic asexual which means you want relationships but dont care much for the sex. check out

  2. queerunity Says:

    youmight be a hetero-romantic asexual check out AVEN online forum to learn more

  3. projectbex Says:

    I tried to find some information about hetero-romantic asexual but i couldn’t seem to find anything. (if you link me to a messageboard link i am would be more than delighted to read it) Although just with the term “romantic” i doubt its something that would label me better than heterosexual single. I am miss anti romance. To define romantic would be “a soulful or amorous idealist” (google defintions)… I am far from either of those. I generally put my self in the least amorous idea of a relationship every time I meet someone. Which is also why i called my self a “relationship masochist”. I’ve never been one to be turned on my romance.

  4. queerunity Says:

    * hetero-asexual: being romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex, but not sexually attracted; or someone for whom this is true

    * hetero-romantic: someone who is romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex (and may be sexual or asexual)

  5. grasexuality Says:

    You don’t sound asexual to me, hon. If you do experience sexual attraction, then you are probably just doing what you said: looking for the right person.

    Personally, as someone who IS asexual, I hate it when people make the assumption that I don’t want sex just because I “haven’t met the right person yet.” The whole idea that I have some “latent sexuality” that I just need to find the “right person” to awaken, strikes me as being just a way for sexual people to deny that asexuality really does exist, and that has led to quite a bit of trouble in my personal life.

    You do bring up a good point though, about how people make silly assumptions. Why do people need to come up with a reason for your being single anyway? Can’t you just be single because you like it that way?

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