Head Classes?

Personally, I love to cook. I also enjoy eating. But the best part is seeing someone else enjoy what you prepared for them. In my opinion, there are only a few things more attractive then seeing someone (both sexes) delectate in food; a girl biting a sandwich, eating with a healthy appetite. Salads? Only to open appetite. I do the cooking for myself, but most of all for others.

Why there should be head classes.
Blowjobs are automatically female task (in heterosexual encounters) as much as cooking was in the 40s. However, it does not mean it diminishes female status. It gives them power. Hold back food from your guy and see what he’ll do for you. Hold back head from your guy and see what he’ll do for you. And then offer Great Head or serve Delicious Meatball spaghetti, and see where it brings you. I know my Canard aux Olives got me out of the kitchen many times.

So why not learn to do it well. I personally hate it when people fake that they like a present, or pretend to enjoy your overcooked pasta… and I do think that most polite guys would pretend the blowjob is good if you’re really into it (and maybe that’s the problem). Some people are born with a talent, and others, well, don’t own restaurants and have to learn. Yeah there’s blowjob, like there’s spaghetti. But there is also MindBlowing blowjobs as much as there is Grandma’s Authentic spaghetti sauce. And don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that Grandma’s sauce is exclusive (hehe) and can’t be shared and taught.

10 females students and one teacher, plus lucky *volunteers* to work on. I don’t know who I would trust to teach me head, but all I know is that the volunteers’ advice will be valuable – once they get back their ability to speak. I am well aware that this sounds like a really bad porn scenario, sorry.

Why this is not denigrating
– I’m not saying every guy deserves great head. I’m not saying guys should not also be experts at cooking/oral sex. Knowing how to cook does not mean you have to cook everyday. And chefs go to the restaurant too…
-Exactly like for the choice of a partner, I think we should never settle down for less than the best.
-Just the satisfaction of knowing you cook like a chef is enough, even without lucky people to try out your tasty dishes.
-I really think you do it for yourself (don’t call me narcissistic!), and you are very generous at the same time.
-Where it gets you is usually far from denigrating.

Anyway… Hard Penises without head don’t exactly overpopulate someone’s (aka… a good friend of mine’s) bedroom these days.

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21 Responses to “Head Classes?”

  1. Mal Says:

    There’s actually a really old porno called “Les petites ecolieres”. It’s French and the male fiances and husbands send their naive inexperienced future wives or current frigid ones to this school to learn how to fuck, give head, etc.

    The volunteer in one scene is a fat hairy janitor.

  2. leila Says:

    A fat hairy janitor eh? What a turn on ooh let me run to find this on dvd. Personally I think its the guys that need head classes not the gals. The guys I date basically are happy just to put it into a warm oven, so to speak:)

  3. Julie Says:

    bah what’s wrong with fat and hairy?

  4. flo Says:

    um..let’s see now..smelly sweat, bacteria, skin flakes, grease.. quick pass me that barf bag.

  5. Julie Says:

    since when does fat mean lack of personal hygiene!

  6. flo Says:

    Well… sweat smells, and fat people sweat more than thin, ’cause they expend more energy ’cause they got more to move?! I mean just google ‘fat sex’ click images..:(

  7. gwen Says:

    Frankly, the fat and hairy part doesn’t bother me a twit, its the ‘janitor’ part. Learn to give head with the JANITOR???!!!!! What planet are you people from???

  8. PETE Says:


  9. Julie Says:

    oh hi pete, I was wondering where you (and your nice comments) were hiding. welcome back. I’m surprised you don’t like the idea of head classes.

  10. Julie Says:

    and janitors are very decent people, they work hard to earn their money, they often work shitty hours, most of them don’t complain… they deserve respect, why not good head. come on, uniform fantasy?

  11. teresa Says:

    Can you spell F-i-r-e-m-e-n. I’d definitely stay after hours to practice. LOL

  12. Julie Says:

    d o c t o r

    so unprofessional

  13. flo Says:

    See, knew you’d come around eventually. There’s a reason why “Let’s play doctor” works. Just imagine “Let’s play JANITOR”?!! Yea RIGHT.

  14. pete Says:

    Only thing worse than fat hairy janitors are ugly chicks who can’t give head and wants to practice on you. I mean seriously, like what ‘lucky’ volunteer are we talking about here. Probably end up with teeth marks and bites requiring tetanus shots from measly mouthed coeds with bad teeth and worse attitude. Fat hairy janitors are lining up as we speak? That’s because only losers who can’t get laid otherwise would stoop so low for so little reward.

  15. Julie Says:

    being condescending does not put you on top

  16. Kevin Says:

    What a coincidence: I spoke with a friend about giving a blowjob class yesterday.

    As a gay man, I know how to cook and give blow jobs. 🙂

    Preliminary Steps:
    1) Clean cock! Be sure he washes down there, because no wants a dirty cock in their mouth.
    2) Clean mouth! He doesn’t want gunk on his cock either.
    3) Wet mouth! Cotton mouth is painful and it sucks. Don’t do it, if your mouth is dry.
    4) Talk about it before hand. Will you swallow? If not, how will he tell you stop. Is there something special that he would like? It is important to set boundaries during this time.
    5) Communicate during and afterwards. Sometimes the best way to improve is to ask questions! We can’t always guess what he wants.

    Step 1: Don’t be afraid of a penis in your mouth. It’s not going to hurt you; it doesn’t have teeth.

    step 2:Get rid of your gag reflex, if you have one. When I taught this technique to a friend, I had her use a banana. Insert the banana until you have just the first inkling of a gag reflex. Then leave the banana there until it no longer feels like you will gag. Repeat this step as many times as necessary until you can insert almost the entire banana in your mouth without gagging.

    Step 3: How to not use teeth. Honestly, this is probably the hardest step for most people. Unless, of course, it comes to you naturally. If not, then I recommend using your lips to cover your teeth as if you had just eaten something sour. This should help reduce teeth marks. After much practice, you should be able to have your lips extended without having his cock touch your teeth.

    Step 4: Blowjobs aren’t a passive act. Don’t be afraid to create some suction and use your tongue. I know that when I give blowjobs, I suck and lick the underside of my man’s penis. Now, there is a downside to this: over-sucking; it hurts; don’t do it. The best way o figure out if you sucking not enough, just right, or too much is to just ask. Remember, communication is very important in sex! As for licking, this will be covered in the next step.

    Step 5: Figure which area of his cock is the most sensitive . For this, the easiest thing to do is just ask. Trust me, it’s easier than trying to figure it out. If he doesn’t know, then try different things until you hit a sensitive spot. Some spots to try include the head, the area just under the head and the base.

    I have to get going; but, when I come back I’ll add some more tips.

  17. Julie Says:

    WHOOOA that’s devotion
    your partner(s) is/are lucky men

    although seriously, i don’t really see myself ‘communicating’ about that stuff with my currents fucks, for whom I don’t really care… then again if i didn’t care i wouldn’t be giving head

    tant qu’à le faire on le fait pour vrai 🙂

  18. Kevin Says:


    What can I say: if I’m going to do something, then I’m going to give it my all.

    I’ll try and put a few more tips up later this week, when I have time.

  19. Julie Says:

    since you know men very well;
    I totally refuse to give head when the penis is not hard… which leads me to no sex at all sometimes. any tips?

  20. Kevin Says:

    I’ve been comtemplating this question for a bit (well, that and I’ve been busy).

    Basically, it depends on the man. Foreplay is always good. Try playing with his nipples; masturbation may work before giving heqad; some ball play; try licking your way down his chest to his cock. It all boils down to what turns him on. I know that kissing my partner’s neck works like a charm.

    If I think of any more, I’ll add them.

  21. Julie Says:

    once again;
    your partner is a lucky man

    aren’t men supposed to always be ready for sex? i know i am

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