On Thin Walls and Avoiding Poisoning

You might think your sex life is great. Things might be just fine in the sack, all sexy breathing and pounding bedsprings, but did you ever think about anyone outside of the sack—namely, those roommates of yours? Have some consideration, you animal! Those hot, sweaty sessions under the covers affect them too, so here are some steps you can take to avoid being poisoned by disgruntled roommates:

Take preventative measures. When you’re looking for an apartment, avoid those that have adjacent bedrooms, no matter how great the rest of the apartment is. Test walls, close the doors and yell, but make sure you know what you’re getting into.

Shut up. You might enjoy the theatrics, but it’s doubtful that someone trying to eat dinner will feel the same way. Save the heavy moans for when they’re out.

Turn up the music. This one is debateable. On the plus side, it will probably help to cover up the aforementioned moans – but there’s a chance it won’t, and then your roommates will just hate you more for ruining a good song (“Let it be” met this fate in a friend’s apartment last year).

Keep out of the communal areas. Sure, it’s hot and spontaneous to test out the couch or the kitchen table, but refrain. People have to use the furniture when you’re done.

Lock the door. Good roommates knock, but there’s no point in leaving it up to chance.

If all else fails, make it up to them. Baking cakes and cookies seems to be a good way of appeasing my roommates, and nothing says, “I’m sorry I kept you awake with incessant thumping all night long! Yeah!” like breakfast in bed—with earplugs on the side, of course.



2 Responses to “On Thin Walls and Avoiding Poisoning”

  1. John Dinser Says:

    Please send me your address so I can bill you for the
    illustration of mine that you are using without my permission.

    John Dinser

  2. Michelle Says:

    Many apologies, John. I have removed it.

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