Thank you, Bill and Monica!

by


Okay, so maybe it’s old news, a little bit, but I just can’t not share it. A friend of mine sent me a link to this news article: Apparently, some theatre in the US was forced to change its marquee from The Vagina Monologues to The Hoohaa Monologues, because some parents found it “offensive”.

Okay, skipping over the sheer idiocy (and the irony) of the name change, because that’s just too easy to make fun of, I’ll ask instead: What is it about vaginas that so often gets people’s goats?

Strangely enough, I think this situation actually can find its parallel in Harry Potter: You know how everyone’s afraid to say Voldemort’s name, because he’s such an all-powerful wizard? And how they have to replace his name with You-Know-Who instead because they’re so scared of him? I think that’s what’s going on with vaginas.

People are scared to death of vaginas, because vaginas are representative of sex, an act that traditionally is seen as dirty and forbidden and terrible. Thus, they must resort to veejayjays or down theres or hoohaa instead. Vaginas are the Voldemorts of this world. (They even start with the same letter! ‘Nuff said?)

Furthermore, why is it that the word anal, as in anal-retentive, is used relatively often and without fear? There doesn’t seem to be a stigma attached to anal the way there is with vagina, even though an anus strikes me as a body part that’s a hell of a lot dirtier than a vagina can ever be. So really, it’s totally the sexual aspect of vaginas that gets people scared.

You know, it’s stuff like this that makes me wish for another huge Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky sex scandal. In the ensuing media explosion, we were constantly bombarded with stories of sex and sex and even more sex. Over the space of a couple of months, we heard all the gory details about Bill and Monica’s sex lives: their sexual intercourse, their “I did not have sexual relations with that woman“, their oral sex, and if you were lucky enough to hear it, their “kinky” use of a cigar as a sex toy.

It’s not that I bear any ill will towards Bill Clinton or any other hapless politician following his pecker. In fact, I don’t believe that what goes on in a person’s bedroom (or on the expensive mahogany desk in the Oval Office) should be exhibited for public judgment and scrutiny. No, but just pause for a minute, and imagine what would happen if George Bush was caught bangin’ his intern while in office …

… The world would undergo a temporary sexual renaissance of sorts: For a glorious few months or so, their sexploits would be splashed across newspaper headlines and blaring from primetime newscasts. For those wonderful few months, sex would be completely demystified and stripped bare. For those liberating few months, there would be no stigma placed on sex, and people would actually be unafraid to talk about it in public.

And maybe, hopefully, it would be during those few months that The Hoohaa Monologues could regain its rightful name again.

– Yun

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7 Responses to “Thank you, Bill and Monica!”

  1. Marie Says:

    Ma soeur fait une grimace a chaque fois qu’elle entend le mot “vagin”. So I just sing sing “Vagina Vagina” until she punches me. She’s 25. Then again, she lives in Scarborough Ontario and doesn’t like speaking of the female anatomy. She doesn’t mind saying penis though. WHY? why are people afraid of saying the word “vagina” when they can use the word “penis” freely.

  2. d. chedwick bryant Says:

    how about “The Rubyfruit Jungle Monologues”

  3. Yun Says:

    To Marie: I guess you and your sisters are opposites. If she frowns every time she hears talk of vaginas, it’s only because you smile. 😉

    To Mr Bryant: The Rubyfruit Jungle Monologues is a little wordy, is it not? But I like the concept! A compromise could be The Tipping the Velvet Monologues.

  4. Y Says:

    I personally think the word vagina adds two of the most agressive sounds together…”vah” and “jai”. Its not common that you use these sounds when talking. Maybe its the images that it evokes that prevent people from wanting to refer to the vagina with such rapacious tone. But then again, I dont think of the vagina as a cute, adorable organ, more like a invincible and enduring.

    You know in japanese, the vagina is called the “Manko”

    now guess who i am, yun?

  5. natalie Says:

    I’m definitely all for demystifying vaginas so people can actually talk about them in a civilized way. However, I still don’t find the word itself particularly pleasing, perhaps just aesthetically… instead I’m a big fan of “cunt” (in its reclaimed version, of course.)

  6. Yun Says:

    To “Y”: No clue who you are … 😉

    To Natalie: I don’t find it to be particularly ugly-sounding, but I agree that there are definitely some pretty cool alternatives (none of which include “pantyhamster”.

    I’m also a fan of “cunt”. I feel the same way about it the way I feel about the word fuck (which I blogged about last week, incidentally).

    Have you happened to read the book?

  7. Sandwich Repairman Says:

    I read Cunt.

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