Queefing: The beginning of a love story

by
My vagina makes noises.

It makes noises during sex. It sounds sort of airy: A hiccup escaping, a bubble popping. Luckily, this phenomenon that my vagina exhibits isn’t rare. In fact, it’s common enough to warrant a name: Queefing. Conjugate it: I queef, you queef, we queefed, they are queefing …

I discovered what queefs were when I was in high school, fooling around with my then-boyfriend. When it happened, we both paused and sort of stared bemusedly at my vagina. He pronounced with much hilarity, “Your pussy totally just farted!” Needless to say, it was a little hard for me to resume our activities with the same eagerness.

Luckily, this embarassing incident didn’t scar me and turn me off sex permanently. It did, however, instill me with a certain sense of wariness before having sex with a new partner. Will I queef? Will it be loud? Will it – oh god! – occur while my partner’s face is right by my crotch, so that he or she receives the force full-blast?

I was just speaking with another girl who queefs not during sex, but up to 24 hours afterwards. I haven’t yet decided if I should feel envious of her. Is it better to queef in your partner’s face in bed, or to do it while quietly standing in line at the bank or while in Downward Dog pose at yoga class the morning after?

All that being said, despite the suckiness of queefing at inopportune times (like there’s even a right time anyway!), I’m starting (or trying to) get used to it. It’s something that most women have to deal with, so I might as well try to laugh it off.

I’m trying to be grateful: If I’m queefing, well, at least it means that I’m having sex. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, right? I’m trying to be pragmatic: The body makes all sorts of weird noises. Stomachs gurgle, jaws crick, throats gulp. Why is it that any sound that goes on below-the-belt automatically gets demonized? I’m trying to be optimistic: Hey, at least queefs don’t smell!

I’m really trying to embrace the queef. I guess I’ve already taken the first step, which is admitting that I queef. Maybe next, I should search for a t-shirt that says QUEEFING IS CUTE, in an effort to give it some positive publicity?

– Yun

PS: By the way, if you’re like me and you do happen to queef during sex, you can try to take preventative action. Before having sex, try pressing down on the area right below your stomach and above your pubic bone. It might expel some air lurking inside your pussy.

Advertisements

Tags: ,

4 Responses to “Queefing: The beginning of a love story”

  1. lisa Says:

    lololololololol. I vote for the t-shirt but We should make men wear them, alpha male men.

  2. Yun Says:

    Hahahaha!!!

    Though a guy did tell me that he found it pretty cute when his girlfriend queefed during sex. But then again, he wasn’t your steretypical Big Alpha Male …

  3. Madameve Says:

    haha, this is hands down the best thing ive read since..er chocolate milk! (except you can’t read chocolate milk, but you get my drift.) I think everyone queefs, except they just don’t talk about it. Personally, I just laugh when it happens- after all, humor’s important to have during sex.

  4. Yun Says:

    Mmm … chocolate milk …

    Right. Queefs. Yeah, I agree with your comment totally, especially the bit about laughing during sex. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: